20 Years

I went to the gym Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon. Both days I had very little desire to go. Something happens when I start moving my body. This was more noticeable on Sunday. I started my treadmill run and after the first 3 minutes my injury was noticeable. I backed off and walked for 2 minutes. Then I upped the speed and ran for 3 more minutes. I told myself that if I didn’t improve I could stop after 10 minutes. After the 3 minutes was completed I walked for 2 minutes. When my 3 more minutes of running was up I was starting to feel more “into” the run. So I continued with the run 3 walk 2 format. By the end I was up to a 7 for my running. I call it speed work. I spent a total of 40 minutes on the treadmill. The individual TV screen is a fantastic distraction!

Mr. Clean has noted that I am in a much better mood when I am working out on a regular basis. He revealed this bit of knowledge the Saturday after I came home from the meeting with the trainer. I am learning that giving in to being lazy has more then just an adverse effect on the way my clothes fit. I’m mentally a much healthier person when I am running, walking, and getting my rear end to the gym. Sickness happens, life gets in the way, it’s not possible to plan for the unexpected. For the most part my weeks are routine enough that I can fit my workout in on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

Driving in to work this morning I was thinking about an email exchange yesterday with my friend NH. We were discussing our upcoming race calendar and her frustration over various situations. One of her frustrations I could relate to and I stated that I understood her frustration and I feel similarly. In her response back she said that there is no way I could have gained 18 lbs since the wedding based on recent pictures. I explained to her that yes in fact I have and my clothes don’t fit.

One of my favorite things about my husband is that he is the first man ever to give me an answer that doesn’t offend me when it comes to this subject. “Honey I think you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are, you are amazing”. It’s always some variation of this answer when the topic comes up and honestly it’s not something that I bring up daily. Usually it’s when something I want to wear does not look right (in other words won’t snap, button or zip) and I’m frustrated with myself. He has a way of just making a statement that works for me. He's actually the only person I know who can give me a satisfactory response regarding this topic.

I have come a long ways since 1992, for most people 20 years in the past is a very long time ago. In some ways it is. In 20 years I have not weighed 218 pounds (or somewhere in that range I know it was over 200). The past is just that, and when I think back over the past 20 years I think about my friendships and experiences and where I’ve been and how I’ve reached the here and now.

I also have not forgotten that I was 13 years old and I wore a size 18/20. I’ve finally reached a place where I know that the numbers on the scale and in my clothes do not define who I am. There is a quote that I love and apply to my life often “what other people think of me is none of my business.” “Live and let live”, is another. One reminds me that I do not have to worry about what other people think. The latter reminds me that I am responsible for living my life and allowing others to live theirs.

In 2009 when I first started running, my friend the event coordinator told me that being a certain size was never going to be enough motivation for her. She is a fantastic athlete and has competed in numerous Iron Man competitions. We’re the same height, same body shape and pretty much it’s like my long lost sister who is 18 years older then me. For her she stays active because it’s a lifestyle. We have worked together for 4 years now at 2 different restaurants and I have learned a lot and adopted this lifestyle mentality for myself.


I had my review with my manager last Friday and it went extremely well. While were talking she made the statement that I seem to be able to detach from a situation, take a step outside of it, evaluate it, form a plan, and then step back into the situation and do what has to be done. Considering the fact that I lived my life in reactionary mode most of the time this is a huge compliment!!! Learning how to evaluate, and form a plan allows me to have an inner peace that has never existed for me before.

When I had to step on the scale at the doctors office back in November and then again 2 weeks ago I saw the number and while not happy about it I also was able to take a step back. At that moment there is nothing I can do to change what I see. Changing requires commitment to do things differently. Staying out of the candy jar, not giving in to every craving, not making excuses for why I don’t feel like going for a run, walk, or to the gym.

As the first month of 2012 is quickly drawing to it’s conclusion I know that without a doubt 2012 will be a year of great change, great growth, and wonderful opportunity!!!