Ramblings

Thankful Thursday

2012-01-26T09:14:00.000-05:00

This week I'm doing this a little differently. I have a lot that I am thankful for, and I know that I am blessed. I also have to remind myself sometimes just how big God is and how much He loves us. I receive daily reminders of His love and I, at times, feel overwhelmed by the overall greatness of Him! He provides all our needs, He knows the plans He has for us, He will take care of us, we just have to cast our cares and fears on Him and He has us!

1 Chronicles 16:8-11 Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.”

Psalm 9:1-2 I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High.

Psalm 100:4-5 “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.”

Psalm 106:1 “Praise the Lord Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.”

1 Corinthians 15:55-58 “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Hebrews 11:1 “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”

Charlotte Race Schedule

2012-01-25T10:13:00.000-05:00

I can't email and can't comment so I'm posting :)

There are lots of running opportunities in Charlotte!!! My personal favorites are always the ones by Run For Your Life. The website http://www.runforyourlife.com/, has a race calendar.

Active.com also has a list of events.

It's possible to train for a 1/2 marathon by say a date of March 25 but with a move and lots of changes not something I would attempt.

20 Years

2012-01-24T14:14:00.002-05:00

I went to the gym Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon. Both days I had very little desire to go. Something happens when I start moving my body. This was more noticeable on Sunday. I started my treadmill run and after the first 3 minutes my injury was noticeable. I backed off and walked for 2 minutes. Then I upped the speed and ran for 3 more minutes. I told myself that if I didn’t improve I could stop after 10 minutes. After the 3 minutes was completed I walked for 2 minutes. When my 3 more minutes of running was up I was starting to feel more “into” the run. So I continued with the run 3 walk 2 format. By the end I was up to a 7 for my running. I call it speed work. I spent a total of 40 minutes on the treadmill. The individual TV screen is a fantastic distraction!

Mr. Clean has noted that I am in a much better mood when I am working out on a regular basis. He revealed this bit of knowledge the Saturday after I came home from the meeting with the trainer. I am learning that giving in to being lazy has more then just an adverse effect on the way my clothes fit. I’m mentally a much healthier person when I am running, walking, and getting my rear end to the gym. Sickness happens, life gets in the way, it’s not possible to plan for the unexpected. For the most part my weeks are routine enough that I can fit my workout in on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

Driving in to work this morning I was thinking about an email exchange yesterday with my friend NH. We were discussing our upcoming race calendar and her frustration over various situations. One of her frustrations I could relate to and I stated that I understood her frustration and I feel similarly. In her response back she said that there is no way I could have gained 18 lbs since the wedding based on recent pictures. I explained to her that yes in fact I have and my clothes don’t fit.

One of my favorite things about my husband is that he is the first man ever to give me an answer that doesn’t offend me when it comes to this subject. “Honey I think you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are, you are amazing”. It’s always some variation of this answer when the topic comes up and honestly it’s not something that I bring up daily. Usually it’s when something I want to wear does not look right (in other words won’t snap, button or zip) and I’m frustrated with myself. He has a way of just making a statement that works for me. He's actually the only person I know who can give me a satisfactory response regarding this topic.

I have come a long ways since 1992, for most people 20 years in the past is a very long time ago. In some ways it is. In 20 years I have not weighed 218 pounds (or somewhere in that range I know it was over 200). The past is just that, and when I think back over the past 20 years I think about my friendships and experiences and where I’ve been and how I’ve reached the here and now.

I also have not forgotten that I was 13 years old and I wore a size 18/20. I’ve finally reached a place where I know that the numbers on the scale and in my clothes do not define who I am. There is a quote that I love and apply to my life often “what other people think of me is none of my business.” “Live and let live”, is another. One reminds me that I do not have to worry about what other people think. The latter reminds me that I am responsible for living my life and allowing others to live theirs.

In 2009 when I first started running, my friend the event coordinator told me that being a certain size was never going to be enough motivation for her. She is a fantastic athlete and has competed in numerous Iron Man competitions. We’re the same height, same body shape and pretty much it’s like my long lost sister who is 18 years older then me. For her she stays active because it’s a lifestyle. We have worked together for 4 years now at 2 different restaurants and I have learned a lot and adopted this lifestyle mentality for myself.

I had my review with my manager last Friday and it went extremely well. While were talking she made the statement that I seem to be able to detach from a situation, take a step outside of it, evaluate it, form a plan, and then step back into the situation and do what has to be done. Considering the fact that I lived my life in reactionary mode most of the time this is a huge compliment!!! Learning how to evaluate, and form a plan allows me to have an inner peace that has never existed for me before.

When I had to step on the scale at the doctors office back in November and then again 2 weeks ago I saw the number and while not happy about it I also was able to take a step back. At that moment there is nothing I can do to change what I see. Changing requires commitment to do things differently. Staying out of the candy jar, not giving in to every craving, not making excuses for why I don’t feel like going for a run, walk, or to the gym.

As the first month of 2012 is quickly drawing to it’s conclusion I know that without a doubt 2012 will be a year of great change, great growth, and wonderful opportunity!!!

reviews, talking restaurant, laziness is no excuse

2012-01-23T10:25:00.001-05:00

Friday I had an awesome review with my manager. I was so thankful to hear that my efforts over the past year have been noted and recognized. Friday night kicked off restaurant week in Charlotte. My restaurant participates, thus a very busy Friday evening. Fortunately I was able to leave at 10. The restaurant is open until 11 on Friday and Saturday nights but I’ve been extremely fortunate to be able to leave at 10 most Friday nights.

I arrived home and there was food waiting for me, thank goodness!!! I was so hungry! I checked email and ate and watched an episode of how I met your mother and then crawled into bed. I was anticipating Saturday morning because I had a hair appointment. I drove the hour to Pineville for my 10 appointment and sat and waited and waited. 10 minutes after 10 I got a phone call that my hair girl had a stomach bug and she was not moving fast, meaning she was going to be 30 minutes late. I told her no worries, she can’t control being sick and I don’t need what she has so I told her we would reschedule and I drove to my parents to pick up Jack.

Jack was oh so happy to see me. My mom was excited about the pictures I printed from the wedding. CVS does a photo collage print that turned out really well. I was excited! I printed one for my parents and one for my Grandmommy and picked out frames to put them in. I talked to my parents for a while and then headed home. Mr. Clean has been sick with a man cold. He went to the doctor last Wednesday because he felt so awful. He had made it from the bed to the couch by the time I got home. I got Jack settled and went to the gym. I did squats, lunges, legs and cardio. Lunch was waiting for me when I got home. We had a low key Saturday and opted to wait to go to the early service for church. Mr. Clean was hoping he would feel better in the morning.

He didn’t feel any better Sunday morning so I went to the early service on my own. I actually like going by myself and the service was awesome. I made a grocery store run and we made lunch. We spent the next couple hours on the couch watching tv and then I dragged myself to the gym for a run. My injury from the end of last year has flared and it hurts, but I was able to run as long as I was careful. I’m glad I made myself go. Laziness is not an excuse although I totally wanted to be lazy yesterday. All weekend was rainy and cold, a perfect weekend for being inside and not doing much of anything. Part of what made the run easier (especially since I was on a treadmill) is the fact that each treadmill has it's own tv. I need to remember to bring headphones. I watched HGTV while running, that was the perfect distraction!!!

The rest of the afternoon evening was spent watching Big Bang Theory. I was in bed by shortly after 9. Yet I still feel sleepy today, I’m blaming the weather, it’s still cold and gray outside. I’m trying to stay focused but it’s hard!

This week is restaurant week, which means busy nights which is fine. Busy makes time go by a lot faster! Honestly I’m praying hard that something changes so that I don’t have to keep doing the 3 nights a week at the restaurant. I may take it down to 2 for a while and see if that fills in the financial gap but also allows me to not feel quite so run down.

I signed up for my March race. I’ve got 2 5k’s in February and now a 4 miler in March. I know that when I have races on the calendar it keeps me motivated!

Thankful Thursday

2012-01-19T12:43:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful that I had Monday off

I'm thankful that I was able to work out with the trainer last Saturday, and said no when they called to follow up.

I'm thankful that I get my hair cut on Saturday

I'm thankful that even though he was sick and already in bed when I got home Mr. Clean made dinner for me

I'm thankful that my Grandmother was able to move to the new floor where she receives awesome care

I'm thankful for the nurses who care so much about my Grandmommy

I'm thankful that my Mom and my Aunt do so much to help my Grandmommy

I'm thankful that it has been an unseasonably warm January, although today is chilly.

I'm thankful that fruit is not part of my fast

I'm thankful that we had a great lunch with Family Clean this past Sunday

I'm thankful that God always provides!!!

Shopping

2012-01-18T09:57:00.000-05:00

Found Here

It's no secret that I love to shop, and I love a good deal. Last Friday I went in search of shoes but I also found some cute little tops and the dress seen above. I kept everything within my range limit for what I'll spend on kids clothing and shoes and purchased some great deals!!!

I have done a good job of not going overboard when it comes to clothes and shoes for the Girl. I want to know that she has what she needs but I also don't want her to have so much that clothes never get worn. The consignment store that I shop at has such fantastic deals and clothes that I can purchase, for a fraction of the cost, whole outfits. Stores like Old Navy have such great clearance sales that it makes it possible to keep her stocked without breaking the bank!

Progress

2012-01-18T07:24:00.000-05:00

I truly appreciate the sweet comments on yesterdays post. I wrote more for my own accountability then anything. As I stated in yesterday's post
"I'm in a unique place right now, one I've never been in before. Where as before I would be feeling angry, frustrated, annoyed at myself for my unhealthy weight today that's not where I am. I understand that this is something that I brought on myself. I understand that my goal is health not numbers. I understand that I can only workout 3 days a week but I can watch what I eat 7 days a week. I understand that food should not be a reward. I understand that I'm thankful that I'm blessed and I like my life. I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning!"

I am fine with the way that I look, and happy with life. Sometimes I feel tired just from the pace of it all but I have vacation days and when I feel too overwhelmed I can take a day off. When the pace of life is constantly on the go it's easy to overlook eating healthy. I realize that the numbers don't define who I am, and that they are not what make me happy.

I'm tall, 5'9. This means that I will never be 120 pounds. I have a healthy range and currently I'm not in the healthy weight range. I'm actually 18-20lbs outside the healthy weight range. Usually I get inside the healthy weight range, I meet someone and then I gain weight and as I said yesterday instead of a journey it feels like a huge circle that keeps repeating. I truly want to break that circle. I want the journey to move forward, not keep circling back.

I'm basing my numbers off information from my doctors, who I've asked the question to, and not the trainer who I met with Saturday. I received the same information Saturday that I've received from my doctors.

Life is ongoing and striving for perfection is unrealistic and self defeating. I would like to be healthy, and that means moving the journey forward and out of the giant circle. My happiness is not numbers on a scale, or a dress size. I like my life, I'm blessed. I hold myself accountable because it's not ok with me to wake up 5 years down the road and be 50lbs outside my healthy weight range. Part of liking yourself means that you take care of yourself. Keeping active, eating right, help me stay healthy and able to do all the things I want to do!

Happy Tuesday!!!

work, working out, and reality

2012-01-17T09:40:00.002-05:00

I worked Friday night and it was busy. The hostess I was working with just broke up with her boyfriend. She was all kinds of fun to be around. However, since I've been in her shoes on more fingers and toes then I can count I let her talk it out.

Saturday morning I had a session with a trainer at the gym. This "complimentary" session was part of the sign up deal. I agreed to it knowing I have no time but I did want to see the numbers. Ignorance is bliss, for real!!! I stepped on the scale minus shoes and it was more then what it was the last time at the doctors office. We did the body fat measurement thing you hold in your hands. I filled out the survey. One question was on a scale of 1 to 10 how important is this to you. I rated it a 4. The trainer was pretty horrified. I looked at him and said, "I work Monday, Wednesday and Friday night, Tuesday nights I have a meeting, my free weeknight is Thursday night, Saturdays and Sundays we have our daugther and I have to make sure the dog gets a walk and run." This is my life, it's my reality.

We went through jumping jacks, jumping squats, lunges, weights, and then some more leg stuff followed by pushups and situps. Then the 30 minutes was done and we sat down and he gave me numbers. I knew he was offering me a great deal. I liked him, he's nice and easy to work with. I also know that I don't have the time or money. When they called to follow up with me yesterday I very nicely told the guy following up, I appreciated the time spent with me but for now I will not be signing up.

Here's the deal. Since my wedding I have gained 18lbs. I did not like the number on the scale. It does not define me but I want to be healthy and currently I am not healthy. This weight gain is totally my own doing. I baked a lot over Christmas. As far back as August I have talked about my mass consumption of all things sweet. I've seen this coming. I knew what was happening. This journey at times seems more like a giant circle. I know how I reached this point. I'm not going to type a whoa is me post, I'm not even complaining. This is what it is.

I mentioned I gave up cookies, candy and sweets for a church thing. I was convicted on Saturday of substituting out bread for the fact that I can't have the cookies, candy and sweets. So I have now removed that as well. I have also realized that I will carry this beyond the 21 day church fast. This stuff isn't good for me. It doesn't provide me the healthy stuff I actually need out of food. I'm sure that as the weeks go by I'll have a piece of chocolate or a cookie, or something but when I sit down and really think about how much I've been eating, it's not good.

Saturday mornings session was tough. I hurt leaving the gym. Sunday I hurt but I still worked in a run/walk session with Jack. I'm sure he wondered what was wrong with me! We totalled 3 miles but they were not fast. Sunday for lunch we went to Mr. Clean's parents and enjoyed some time with them. That afternoon we just hung out with each other, Girl Clean's mom picked her up at 8.

Monday morning the full pain kicked in from Saturday. Anytime you have a brutal workout the most painful day is 2 days later. Yesterday I couldn't put direct weight on my legs when I went to get out of bed. I had to very very slowly ease myself up. The entire day was spent wincing in pain as I tried to move. I met my college roommate for lunch and then stopped by the grocery store. I got home and put the groceries away and took Jack for a walk. We made it maybe a mile. I just couldn't handle the pain. Last night I stretched, which helped some. I know that it's important to strength train, and I know that it's important to keep working out, probably a little harder then I have been. I also don't think I need to exhaust my leg muscles to the point that they were exhausted on Saturday. I have to be able to move and function for my everyday life. Excercise should enhance this not disable me!!!

I'm in a unique place right now, one I've never been in before. Where as before I would be feeling angry, frustrated, annoyed at myself for my unhealthy weight today that's not where I am. I understand that this is something that I brought on myself. I understand that my goal is health not numbers. I understand that I can only workout 3 days a week but I can watch what I eat 7 days a week. I understand that food should not be a reward. I understand that I'm thankful that I'm blessed and I like my life. I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning!

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. " Romans 12:2

sugar and shoes

2012-01-13T14:05:00.000-05:00

Today I have craved the sugar. I have tried to plan, I had fruit for breakfast, a blueberry bagel midmorning, and a filling lunch, they had raisins in our vending machine so I bought a pack of those. I'm working through it. Meanwhile my boss came by to give me a Dunkin Donuts gift card for participating in a group project... The card will still be good in 16 days!

In conversation with Girl Clean's mom I realized that she only had 2 pairs of shoes at her mom's house. The girl's feet grow at a very fast rate so keeping her in shoes is a challenge. At our house we have the pairs that we need. I sent her home in a pair last Sunday and told her mom to just keep those. Then today I went looking I found a pair at Marshalls on Clearance for $7, SCORE!!! Cute black patent leather church shoes.

I decided to check piperlime for shoes and I am so glad that I did. I sent her mom pictures of the 2 pairs I was thinking of and asked which ones she liked better. Free shipping, shipped directly to their house and they were on clearance, Stride Rite for a fabulous deal!!! Picture and shoes located here.

I appreciate the fact that I can talk to her mom and ask which pair. I appreciate that I can send clothes home with her mom. Girl clean's mom and I have talked about the fact that we both were in situations of having to deal with a nightmare ex-wife and the awfulness related to it. Because of what we have both been through we are able to have a relationship that works well.

work, pictures, excuses, down time

2012-01-13T08:24:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was a typical catch up day from being out a day and I will be out again on Monday. This day off is planned and I'm looking forward to having lunch with the college roommate who I haven't seen in way too long, since October!

When she and I were making our plans I was typing out as I received her text the same place she texted me about, great minds think alike!!

Yesterday I had no voice which meant I kept my phone on forward at work. Not really a problem for me since I don't like talking on the phone anyways.

I got home last night and started playing around with the wedding pictures and album. I'm more just having fun with different options at this point and the amount of pictures I want to use. I currently have 2 pending albums and then another album that I started on a different website to do a little shopping comparison.

Last week I printed off pictures for my SIL from a drug store, I was very disappointed in several of the prints so I'm going to send the next round of pictures I want to print to a different location and hope for better results!!

Mr. Clean made pumpkin risotto for Thanksgiving. We had leftovers and froze a bag in order to not waste it but also to not have to eat it until Christmas. We thawed out the bag and tried to re-constitute it. It didn't work. So instead he made rice and we had something that resembled gravy over rice. It tasted good, he added sausage which is why I think it worked, otherwise it would have been pretty awful.

I stated I was going to get back into my gym groove last week. For whatever reason I had it in my head that my new gym was further then the old gym, even though when I signed up I believed it was the same distance just an opposite direction. Apparently I will create excuses in my head to avoid going. Even though it was cold I realized I needed to go. I changed clothes and headed out, it takes 9 minutes from the house to the gym and 10 minutes from the house in to the doors of the gym. I got there and I was so glad I went. I like to work out, I just needed to remind myself of this fact. January is typically crowded at all gyms so by waiting to get there at 8 I avoided the crowds and was able to get an awesome workout in.

I did intervals, started running, arms, elliptical, stomach, running, legs and then I was done, in 40 minutes. I was home by 8:50 and in bed by 10. The good news is the knee that is still sore is apparently just bruised. I can run on it, I just can't put any pressure on the front of it. My other knee has an awesome looking bruise but I can put more pressure on it then the other knee.

I have an appointment with the trainer tomorrow morning. I was impressed that they called to follow up with me. I have no time in my life (or money) for a trainer but I'm curious to know my body fat percentage and I never mind learning more about the equipment available.

Other then my AM appointment the weekend is low key. I know we'll have church tomorrow night, I have to work tonight but other then that we'll be able to just hang out. The past several weeks have been Christmas, New Years and the big 3rd birthday so I'm looking forward to some downtime!

Happy Friday!!!

Thankful Thursday

2012-01-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful that we celebrated 3 years of life for Girl Clean on Saturday

I'm thankful that we went ice skating last Sunday

I'm thankful that it's not raining today

I'm thankful that this December and so far January have been very mild temperature wise

I'm thankful that my knees are slowly recovering

I'm thankful that I was able to take a day off yesterday

I'm thankful that eventually my voice is going to come back

I'm thankful that I was able to upload wedding pics and get started on an album

I'm thankful that I have a Kindle

I'm thankful that cell phones take pictures otherwise I would never have any pictures

I'm thankful that Jack Banner got to sleep on his pillow on his chair the whole night, and he slept and stayed out of stuff he wasn't supposed to get into.

I'm thankful that so far this week I have avoided the sweets, the day at home was even more difficult then avoiding the office candy bucket.

I'm thankful that Netflix has all the episodes of How I met your Mother.

I'm thankful that I have a husband who wants to help me, even when it annoys me

I'm thankful that God always provides

I'm thankful for my parents and his parents and how blessed we are by our families.

Welcome to Charlotte - typed fast excuse the gaps in info

2012-01-12T10:15:00.000-05:00

OK currently I can't comment and can't email so I'm going to post on what I think someone moving to Charlotte needs to know!

I love this city, so very much!!! I was born here, and although I now reside in Concord I still love Charlotte!!!

Neighborhoods, depends on what you are looking for.
Lake Norman, if you have to work in South Charlotte and you decide to move to this part of Charlotte (Mooresville/Cornelius/Huntersville) you are looking at an extremely long commute. 77 is the main route down to Charlotte and the traffic is horrific. It's a beautiful area and if your job has you up this way the best thing to do is find a nice place in this location

University area, several companies have their headquarters in this area. Harrisburg/Concord/Kannapolis are cities that would be good or Huntersville. Not really a great location for home ownership at this current point in time. Another option is Southpark/Cotswold or Plaza Midwood areas.

Now my personal favorite part of the city is my old neighborhood. I have a wonderful little condo in the Cotswold area. Close to uptown, Ballantyne, University, Lake Nornman, Fort Mill, Matthews, Monroe. Cotswold area is close to Southpark Mall, the hospitals, beautiful neighborhoods for running!!! The Cotswold shopping center has a fabulous marshalls, lots of restaurants, and a 24 hour grocery store.

If you go east of Charlotte there is Matthews and Monroe, as well as Indian Trail, Stallings, Weddington. All have wonderful neighborhoods and the main route into town is 74 (Indpendence) this can be very crowded and during rush hour is not easy to navigate at all if you have to travel to uptown. If your office location will be in one of these cities or Ballantyne then these are easy commutes.

Southcharlotte is Ballantyne, Fort Mill (SC), Pineville, Indian Land (SC). This is very much a family driven area. If you work uptown you are in for a horrific commute up 77 and on 485. Beautiful houses, very nice area, just wouldn't want to live here if I had to make a commute further then Ballantyne, Pineville or Southpark.

The Industrial side of Charlotte is more the west side and I know very little about this area. I'm also unfamiliar with the Southwest side, Gastonia, and that area.

I mentioned the Plaza Midwood area. This is one of those locations where there are trendy restaurnats, a very diverse group of residents, and very close to uptown. Not sure the crime stats right now. Uptown has apartments and condos and then NoDa (North Davidson) is the art district, trendy, fun, and there are houses available, not sure the crime stats of house break ins and such and in truth it's a possibility in any neighborhood.

Restaurants:
Fried Pickles: there are lots of restaurants around town that now offer these. Mac's Speedshop has fantastic food and I think these are a part of their menu. The Penguin, and several other Plaza/Midwood restaurants offer these, and this district is known for the restaurants.

Sushi: Nikkos in Southend, Pisces, and there are others but these are 2 that I know I like.

Mexican/Tex Mex/Baja style: Cabo Fish Taco located in NoDa Cantina 1511, located on East Blvd and in Ballantyne, there is a place in Plaza Midwood that is supposed to be really good, name escapes me.

Southpark Restaurants: Cowfish Burger Bar (sushi, and burgers and supposed to be fabulous!) Upstream (seafood) Ruth's Chris (steaks) Del Friscos (steaks), George's Brassiere (french, and voted #1 for brunch in Charlotte on one of the peoples choice survey things). There is also a cheescake factory and maggianos, both located in the actual mall.

There are so many restuarants in the different areas that it's hard to list them all these are just a few.

Welcome to Charlotte, any questions please send them!!!

work, no sweets, shopping, and falling

2012-01-10T08:44:00.001-05:00

I had to work last night. It was a rainy monday night which equals out to a fairly slow evening. I was out by 8:45. I normally would have been out earlier but the closing manager was one of the owners which means that I had to wait until we were down to just 3 tables before I could justify leaving. Hours for me, no complaints.

I've been praying a lot lately, regarding the whole work schedule. I'm definitely ready to not have to work the 2 jobs. I'm thankful that I have a flexible part time job. Thankful that I do like what I do. I also understand that my week is so full and weekends are so planned that I easily get caught going through the motions because I'm so tired. When I catch myself doing that I stop and remind myself how much I have to be appreciative of.

2012 is off to a great start. In conjunction with a church thing I'm partaking of a 21 day fast, for me this is a fast from sweets. It's no secret I'm a sugar addict, I made it through yesterday. Today I've started strong. No cookies, candy, cake, etc. I'm taking it one day at a time!

After we dropped Girl Clean off at her mom's on Sunday Mr. Clean and I went shopping. We both received Marshalls gift cards for Christmas. I purchased 3 new pairs of workout pants, a new running shirt, a new sports bra, a pair of jeans and a dress, grand total $148. The most expensive item was the Nike running pants, and they are so worth it!!! Hands down Nike makes my favorite running gear!!! Their stuff truly fits me the best as far as pants go. I did purchase a pair of Addidas running pants to try and the other pair was a pair of yoga type pants. I was a long time devotee to the VS yoga pants and now all my pairs have holes in the same exact spot, which is weird!!! The pants I found at Marshalls I actually like better then the VS pairs.

I went with my MIL the Saturday after Thanksgiving for a pedicure. For Christmas I received a gift card to the same nail place. I now need to set up another pedicure, the Thanksgiving pedicure looked good up until last weekend! Or I might just save it for a little while.

I mentioned I busted on the ice on Sunday, I'm still paying for that fall. My knees are banged up and pretty much my whole body still hurts, but it was oh so much fun!!!

Birthday weekend in pictures

2012-01-09T13:13:00.000-05:00

Saturday morning I woke up bright and early!!! I had presents to wrap and a cookie to bake. I decorated the card envelope, because like a 3 year old I too love stickers!!!

This is my first attempt at a big cookie. It was not quite as good as I hoped (I slightly overbaked it) but chocolate icing makes everything better!!!

I put her presents from Grandma G and Grandpa D (my parents) and the presents from Daddy and L on her bed. We put the tent she got for Christmas over her mattress (the bed would not fit) to make it her space until we can do something more permanent.

When Mr. Clean left to pick up Girl Clean I made a dash to the store to pick up drinks, candles and balloons!

Jack Banner, for the most part, minded his manners. I gave him a huge bone as a distraction and he loved it!!!

This is where I have just realized that the candles are sparking and they are re-lighting candles. Fortunately Girl Clean was too excited to really be upset.

Here we are blowing out the candles!! You can see her little dress in this picture, I LOVE it!!! It's a pink dress with a top that has a poodle and the skirt is a pink tutu type skirt, so very very cute!!

Enjoying her birthday cookie!

Sunday we took her ice skating. She has majorly gotten into Angelina the Ballerina and there is an episode where Angelina and Alice skate so we've been hearing for a while that she wanted to ice skate. The catch, neither Mr. Clean nor I are comfortable on the ice. We both skated up though. I was super impressed that my husband did this for baby girl!! I'm the only one who BUSTED on the ice. I went around for a loop by myself and got tripped and landed on my knee, I'll survive but it definitely hurts!!! Fortunately she decided she likes roller skating better, which I can do. Her mom and I are going to plan a roller skating day for her and her brother, we're so excited!!

The birthday girl and her L

The birthday girl and her Daddy

3

2012-01-07T16:33:00.000-05:00

3 years ago today I had no way of knowing that my life was changing. I think it's amazing how God works!!! Today I woke up and took Jack for a run. This was after I made the birthday cookie, wrapped the presents and took care of the dishes.

Jack and I got home and Mr. Clean was cleaning the bathroom. Then he made breakfast. I vacuumed, showered and ran to the store when he left to pick up Girl Clean.

I got balloons, and candles along with the drinks I didn't think to get last night. Last night I was thankful that walmart is open 24 hours! I worked the restaurant and then stopped to pick up chips and cookie ingredients, along with our card and wrapping paper.

Girl Clean walked in and was so excited that it is her birthday!!! The Clean Family arrived and we opened presents. Then we had birthday cookie and ice cream. It was a successful little family party that I will remember. My parents couldn't come because their Saturdays are always so crazy! They were invited though. This was our first family thing we've hosted at our house.

The funny moment came when lighting the candles and they started sparking. The ones I bought I bought for the colors and didn't really look at them. Yes, I bought relighting candles, I was a little embarrassed but I was in a hurry and just not paying attention. Mr. Clean put them under the faucet to get them extinguished.

Tonight we'll have church and hang out and wrap up an incredibly special day!!! Tomorrow we're going ice skating!!!

How the story began and where it's going

2012-01-06T13:58:00.001-05:00

Our church has asked for love stories. So I wrote ours, and then thought it would make a good blog post... So here is what i submitted:

When I first met Mr. Clean it was February 16, 2011. We met and talked and as I ended our date that evening I asked him if I could see him again. I didn’t want to be rude but I really needed to get home. We agreed to a date the following Sunday. On the phone on Friday night I surprised myself by agreeing to meet for breakfast and meet his daughter the next morning. While we were at breakfast he invited me to join them at the next stop, the kid’s museum. While there I also met his mom, his sister and his two nieces. Then we still had our date the next day. He kept referring to that date as Christmas and showed up at my condo with a stocking that had chocolate, green bananas and jolly ranchers, he’d asked about my favorite candy and in one conversation we’d talked about bananas, and he remembered. That day we went to a cooking class, went to my favorite restaurant and enjoyed several hours getting to know each other.

I can’t explain his side of this story. I know that we spent 4 weeks talking to each other and on Tuesday March 15 he left me a voice mail (I was at work) asking me to call him back because there were some rings he wanted me to look at. March 19, 2011 he woke up early to drive to my parent’s house to ask them for permission. From their house he drove to pick me up so we could meet my parents for breakfast. He proposed to me at the restaurant before my parents got there and then they arrived with my Grandmommy and we all had breakfast together. The ironic part of this is that Mr. Clean is so not a morning person and we had 2 significant breakfasts in the first few weeks we were dating. I started reading books and trying to figure out what I thought I needed to know because I really wanted to have a great marriage.

Perhaps allowing more then 4 weeks might have been a good idea but I figured he was 40 and I was 31 and we both knew what we didn’t want so knowing what we did and agreeing that putting God first was most important seemed like a great start. I insisted that we have a pastor marry us, and that we participate in pre-marital counseling. Mr. Clean called and set up a time with Pastor T, and he was available on June 11. I know it shocked my mom when the church I grew up in was available on that date. She was thinking that there would be a little more time. We met with Pastor T and talked about expectations, love languages, and learned a little more about each other. Then June 11 arrived and in front of God, our families, and friends we promised to love each other.

Nothing really could have prepared me for the first few weeks of married life. 2 stubborn set in their ways individuals had to learn a lot about each other. Nothing about the first 8 weeks was easy. I realized that I had a lot to learn. I borrowed a copy of Love and Respect Cracking the Communication Code from the library. This book helped me a lot! I read a lot of articles that gave me hope and encouragement. I asked for lots of prayer, and did a lot of praying.

I’ve thought a lot about those weeks. I’ve come a long way from them. As I’ve prayed and put God first I realize that I’m right where He wants me to be. I had to let go of the version I had in my head of what our story would be and start appreciating our story as it is. There are 2 key verses that I have applied and I look at them every day, some days more then once; Colossians 3:12-15 and Ephesians 4:31-32. No matter what happens, no matter how frustrated, angry, whatever emotion I am experiencing, I am called to forgive.

Mr. Clean told me when he proposed that he desired to be a better man, and he honestly works to be this. He is a wonderful Daddy he strives to be an active and involved participant in his (our) daughter’s life. He works hard each day, for us, and comes home and fixes dinner most nights. I told him before we got married I would clean if he would cook. We both work long hours and I definitely appreciate all that he does! Mr. Clean was never a dog person and I came with Jack Banner. A 17lb lovable, stubborn, smart 3 year old dachshund, beagle, Chihuahua mix. Mr. Clean and Jack had a rough start and yet Mr. Clean has accepted Jack because he knows it’s important to me and he loves me.

I find sweet post it notes at random times. He makes an effort to be thoughtful and think of nice things to do for me. He has a recipe file and is an amazing cook, way better of a cook then I am. I appreciate him for who he is, and how hard he works, but most importantly, I appreciate that he seeks to serve the Lord and put God first. There is a lot that goes on in our daily lives, and a lot that we have to learn. I’ve discovered during this very short time that when I put God first, and continually give thanks, that He makes all things new. Each day is a fresh start, and each day Mr. Clean and I learn a little more about each other and about the Father’s love.

We agreed that it is important to us to be at church each week and normally attend the Saturday night service. We had a wonderful Holiday season together, and on New Years Day as we were preparing to leave for my parents for the traditional New Years Day menu the song played at our wedding came on the radio

I Wouldn’t Change a Thing
By Matthew West

Had a picture in my head of how I thought it oughtta go, but look who showed up instead, turns out you never know. Love will steal you by surprise, take your heart just like a thief, love can bring a stubborn man down to one knee

Chorus
I wouldn’t change a thing, it’s perfectly imperfect, so crazy but it’s worth it. I’m wrapped around you like this ring and something tells me if I could I wouldn’t change a thing.

Love will show you what you lack, love will laugh at all your plans, and if your heart won’t give it back, Love will slip right through your hands. Heaven knows we’ve had our share of days we’d rather leave behind, but love don’t really seem to care, it makes the wrong turns turn right.

Bridge
I’m truly, deeply, madly, completely, devoted, every moment until my last breath I’m yours

I’ve got a picture in my head a hundred years from now. All our lines have all been read and we’re both up there looking down…

When I first heard this song the musician at our wedding had just told me about it and she wondered if I would like it. As I listened I thought it was perfectly us. I had no way of knowing what the future held and as I heard the words again and I looked at my husband, and the dog was barking and the girl was talking, I realized that the song is even more true 7 months later. As I stood in the doorway of our bedroom tears rolling down my cheeks, I said to him the same words I said on our wedding day while the song was playing, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I am thankful that God brought Mr. Clean into my life; thankful that God is in control; thankful that each day is a new day; thankful that His mercies are new every morning. I’m thankful that even when sometimes situations seem impossible I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that nothing is impossible with God!

Catching up

2012-01-06T10:51:00.000-05:00

In 2012 I plan to remember there are things I can't control... that would be most things

Last Saturday night I'm still recovering from, and it's Friday, and I didn't even drink. Other then my glass of sparkling (nasty) strawberry wine at midnight. Don't recommend that at all, but I didn't buy it so hey bright side it was free.

I lost my voice at 3 on Tuesday. I lost my voice at 6 on Wednesday. Wednesday night it happened when I was at the restaurant. People thought I was mad at them because I wasn't saying anything, yet I was smiling. So much for picking up on nonverbal communication on their parts.

Girl Clean turns 3 tomorrow. It somehow escaped me that Christmas pretty much fell on top of her birthday. Mom fail on my part, I put together plans for tomorrow at 3 for birthday cookie and ice cream, that is it. Next year I will actually have something planned. Partially this is not my fault, my husband doesn't plan, makes me crazy!!! He did do a fabulous job with Christmas though, he gets major props for that.

Speaking of Christmas he got me a Kindle, I've read 3 books this week, I'm in serious like for my E-Reader. I think he thought I would just play with apps, DUDE you got me a reader, I'm going to read. He might be regretting his choice for a gift but I'm not!!!

We are taking the girl ice skating on Sunday, we've invited her mom and brother to go with us. I hope that they will I think it will be a really fun memory!!!

I skipped the gym last night in favor of reading. Next week I will get back on the wagon. I did run Monday, so that counts. I'll be glad when the days get longer, then I can go walk or run. I told Mr. Clean my gym membership gift should be looked at for it's long term value, not the short term, since I haven't gone since we bought it but I was being serious. After 2 years I only pay $50 once a year for life, or until the gym closes.

I have to make the cookie for the party on Saturday, I have to work tonight, Saturday is tomorrow, somehow I will figure this out... And get a walk in with Jack!

We've majorly slacked on the dog training, life happens. We're working with him again, he's now allowed to stay out in the morning until Mr. Clean leaves for work.

I better actually get back to work, Happy Friday!!!!

Finally got around to...

2012-01-05T14:34:00.000-05:00

Tuesday night I had dinner with Family Clean. My SIL mentioned she has no pictures, at all, of Girl Clean other then the ones she has taken. I promised that I would remedy this. Later that evening Mr. Clean was cleaning out his desk and found our CD of wedding photos.

Yesterday I brought the CD to work and went through the pictures. I came across this series and first they made me laugh because you can see the progression of Girl Clean's attention span. The last 2 pictures are the huge difference between 2 1/2 and 3. Girl Clean still has the baby look at the wedding while her picture from Christmas Eve she looks more little girl, SOB!!! Love her!!!

We have eye contact with the camera, she was sick the day of our wedding so I'm sure everything going on was overwhelming.

She's slightly bored and everyone is calling her name

And suddenly she spots the sparklies on my dress

Someone is calling her name and she is temporarily distracted from playing with my dress

Then she starts tugging on the ribbon and someone is telling her not to, this is her typical face when you tell her no.

She had just started walking down the aisle. Had I really thought about it I would have just walked her down holding my hand but this only occurred to me this week as I was thinking back.

This is the picture from Christmas Eve, and she will be 3 on Saturday, before we know it she'll be driving!

Thankful Thursday

2012-01-05T14:28:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful this is a short work week.

Im thankful Girl Clean turns 3 on Saturday

I'm thankful that I have wedding pictures (I finally got around to printing some this week)

I'm thankful we had an amazing Christmas and New Years

I'm thankful that I have a hair cut appointment in 2 weeks

I'm thankful that I'm busy at work

I'm thankful that I work the restaurant gig Monday/Wednesday and Friday leaving me Saturday and Sunday with my family

I'm thankful that I'm not where I was 6 months ago

I'm thankful that the difficult times of life result in growth and personal understanding

I'm thankful for amazing families

I'm thankful that God is in control

Ringing in 2012

2012-01-03T13:06:00.000-05:00

Law have mercy!!!!! I had a crazy busy day at work on Friday. January 1 is a big push date for the industry I work in, I had a lot of coworkers out on vacation, and a lot to accomplish. Friday night I had a stay in date night with Mr. Clean. We ordered pizza and watched The Big Bang Theory.

Saturday morning I went for a run with Jack. Then I came back and did my hair and makeup. My favorite moment of the day was when Mr. Clean came into the bedroom, I had my outfit on that I would be wearing later since I needed to make sure that the skirt still fit. He got this look on his face and told me how beautiful I looked.

I had to be at the restaurant at 2 and I answered the phone, confirmed reservations and adjusted the floor plan so the added tables were on the screen. I walked in and we had 388 reservations on the book. This would go up and down as the night progressed and I'm not sure what the final count was. I do know this, because of the way we spaced out reservations we never once went on a wait. I only had one other hostess working with me, and it's the only hostess I would have wanted to work with for that evening of our roster of hostesses only having one other. Last year I had 2 others plus a coat check girl but technically one of the hostesses was not all that helpful so really I only count 3 hostesses.

I could not have asked for a smoother evening and it progressed like a dream. The evening flew by and shortly before 10 I sent the other hostess on a break. I had wanted to leave at 10 and I knew she needed time to eat and time to gather herself before she had to be there by herself. I was out the door by 10:15. I got in the car and started shaking. While I could not have asked for anything to have gone any better the toll on me after 8 hours was significant. I was home by 11:15 and Mr. Clean was waiting up for me so we could watch the ball drop together. I had no voice, and I was exhausted but the night was a success!!!

Sunday morning I went for a walk with Jack. Then I got home, got my shower and went and got the girl up. I had her breakfast and Mr. Cleans breakfast started. I got Girl Clean in the tub while I stood and kept an eye on her as I did my makeup. We were out the door on time, and at church for the 11 service. After church Mr. Clean took Girl Clean for a picnic and I took a long nap!!!

We left for my parents. I had to have my black eyed peas for luck and collards for money as is the tradition in my family. We had a wonderful visit. Mr. Clean and I opened a belated wedding gift and then I did all the dishes. My mom has a dishwasher that she never used so now it doesn't work and she keeps using it for storage.

Yesterday I took Girl Clean back to her mom and then had a day ALL TO MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I organized my closet and our pantry. I went for a run with Jack. I came home and started dinner. Mr. Clean got home and we caught up on our days. I read a book on my Kindle. Yesterday was a fabulous day!!!

Happy New Year to all!!!!!

Wouldn't Change a Thing- Matthew West

2012-01-01T21:33:00.000-05:00

Today as we were preparing to go to my parents this song came on the radio. This is the wedding song for Mr. Clean and I. I stood at the door as tears rolled down my face, and I looked at my husband and Jack was barking and Girl Clean was talking and realized that this song is even more perfect then I ever realized. It's more true today then it was 7 months ago!

Year in Review 2011

2011-12-31T12:25:00.000-05:00

When I rang in 2011 I had plans for a trip to Vegas and after that trip I waited 2 weeks and broke up with the guy I went with.

I had a week or 2 and Valentines was approaching and I was bored. I got one of those free weekend communication emails and decided to check it out. I figured out that to see pictures you had to pay so I paid and I had 2 dates from that round. My first date was with Mr. Clean, my next date was with the guy who reminded me of my High School English teacher and I politely declined future dates.

Mr. Clean and I had a whirlwind 4ish weeks and on March 19, 2011 he proposed. Planning started when we set the date. April I traveled to DC, my CA family came to visit and I picked out my wedding gown. May I took my CIC test and had a bridal shower.

June I had a yard sale, temporarily moved to my parents and had a wedding.

July and August are rather blurred they were not easy, nor pleasant and I was floundering. Then I figured out that I am stubborn and strong and more then capable and I pulled myself up and started reading and researching.

September my friend Lisa visited Charlotte for work and stayed to run the Hit the Brixx 10K we had an awesome weekend hanging out!

October we had our first guests over for dinner. I met my friend Dr. MG at the zoo. Jack and Mr. Clean had a stand off, we agreed to get a dog trainer, Halloween came and went. November I took a trip to DC to visit Jess, we had our first Thanksgiving together, the trainer came.

December my friend Margs came up with her little boy and we decorated cookies. The next weekend we made more cookies and had lunch with Girl Clean's mom. Then Christmas was upon us and what Christmas it was!!!

2011 has been full of joy and not so easy times, and I have no regrets I am absolutely where I'm supposed to be. I'm blessed. I'm thankful and I look forward to what 2012 holds!!!!

A-Ha

2011-12-30T08:32:00.000-05:00

I had a conversation yesterday with FRB that left me thinking. She and I made amends, that was an additional positive that was a result of my wedding. I haven't mentioned her in a long time because while there are still occasional traces of awkwardness for the most part all is well between us. We will never be friends like we were but I'm fine with that, I just like having peace at the office.

We were talking about Christmas and NYE plans and life. My new gym (that I have yet to get to) and her gym came up and she mentioned that for the new year she's going to be going pretty much to just fresh fruits and vegetables and cutting out the junk. She got close to her goal weight last year and now if she can just lose that last 5-10 pounds she will be set.

I'm looking at her listening, and something she said was an a-ha moment for me. If I can just lose this weight I'll be happy. I know that this is not the case. She has a great shape, she's very physically active. She has a wonderful job, and she works hard. For as long as I've known her she has fluctuated 5-10 pounds but for the most part she has been the same size and she looks great. She doesn't see it. I don't know what she sees when she looks in the mirror but I know she's not seeing what I see.

I started following Weightless a few months ago. I've read a lot about body image, healthy self image, and most importantly that just because the numbers on the scale read a certain way this does NOT equal happiness. When FRB made the statement if I could just reach my goal weight I would be happy my immediate thought was no you won't.

Our society tells us this lie. If you just weigh this much, have plenty of money, plenty of clothes, the latest car, phone, computer, then you will achieve success and happiness. I call BS.

I read a quote by Martha Washington this morning "I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."

I believe that it is important to be healthy and active. I believe that it is important to take care of our bodies. I believe that it is important to work hard and contribute. I have been incredibly blessed in life and I am so very thankful for all that I have. A husband who loves me, a precious little girl, an awesome baby mama, wonderful families, 2 fantastic jobs, friends that I love who love me, intelligence, strength, I wake up every day able to do all the things that I need to do. I have made significant strides this year in refusing to allow the numbers on a scale to dictate whether or not I have a good or bad day. My happiness certainly does not revolve around a number that can change up or down depending on a week. My goal for 2012 is to remain active, and healthy. I will try not to focus on the negative but rather appreciate all the races I run and all the fun I have!

Opportunity

2011-12-29T10:25:00.001-05:00

What do I want to be when I grow up…

I had my monthly one on one meeting with my manager yesterday. She mentioned that when her bosses boss was in town I really impressed him during our meeting. I simply asked relevant questions and made sure to keep the conversation flowing. Apparently not everyone is comfortable with speaking up in a group. I believe it's necessary if you want to know the answers to important questions. I also believe it's important to present professionally. Apparently not everyone understands this concept.

I work in a restaurant where I see important people, some real some only in their own head, regularly. I work a 2nd job because I believe in working hard and being responsible. Just because I've chosen a job that I enjoy, and it happens to be in the service industry, I understand that I am still relevant. Our best servers understand the dynamic of relationship, yes they might be serving Mr. Head of the company, but they have that persons respect and it's evident. This is not to say we don't have people who come in and treat us in a condescending and belittling manner. Those people are generally unhappy and unpleasant and I'm just glad I'm not them!

In conversation yesterday with my manager I realized that because of my years of experience working with so many different types of clients I have an excellent grasp of how to professionally present and contribute to a conversation.

I've been in my current position over 2 years now. I truly love what I do. Everyday is not perfect but when I interviewed for my job I looked at the man interviewing me and stated with absolute conviction that I was the one he needed and I would excel in my role. I knew that this was a position that would fit me perfectly, and it has.

I considered a position, and interviewed last year and it through me for a loop when the feed back came that I didn't seem to really want to work the hours required. What it boiled down to was that I did not really want the job itself. I had this internal knowledge that the job I was interviewing for would not be the right fit for me and while it would be a step up on my career ladder, it was not a move I wanted to make.

I told my manager that when it comes to my current position I love what I do. I also understand the need for positive growth and to continue on with my career journey. I just am not sure where I want to go. I told her that I have a swirling mass of thoughts in my brain regarding career future and none of it has been sorted out. I understand my strengths and I understand my weaknesses.

I've been so very blessed in my life. My journey in this career started as a data entry person in September 2003. November 2003 I was moved into an assistant role. I trained, did projects, and participated in order to achieve personal and career growth. 2 1/2 years later I moved to what I thought would be my next few years. The job went away after only a few months and I accepted a job that would be the most challenging, nightmare I never could have anticipated. Nothing could have prepared me and yet those challenges and opportunities allowed me to have an exceptionally broad understanding of what I do and what works and what does not work. This position also instilled in me gratitude, because once I was able to move on I would never look at another job the same. The ungrateful nitpicky young lady who started in September 2003 never had much good to say. The woman who started in this position in October 2009 had an excellent understanding that while no place will ever be utopia not having to go back to the old office was a wonderful gift and blessing!!!

As I move into 2012 I have the opportunity to broaden my understanding and network in order to learn. I know that now is the time to begin to plan my next move. I just have to capture the swirling cloud, sort it out, and start making sense of what my next step will be! I know that as my 2012 journey begins I am blessed, and capable and thankful and I will learn and grow and there will be lots of prayers as I contemplate my career!

Thankful Thursday

2011-12-29T08:03:00.000-05:00

I'm so thankful for the wonderful Christmas memories for 2011

I'm thankful that we were able to spend time with both our families and wake up with Girl Clean on Christmas morning.

I'm thankful I was able to help my mom on Friday and Monday and spend time hanging out with my parents.

I'm thankful that this year has been a year of growth and challenges.

I'm thankful that I have 2 jobs

I'm thankful that my car has new struts and new tires

I'm thankful that I have a husband who cooks and wants to do things for me

I'm thankful I have a new e-reader which means I will be able to have all my favorite books at my fingertips again

I'm thankful that I have amazing memories from 2011

I'm thankful that my Grandmommy will be ringing in another year

I'm thankful that I have wonderful friends!!!

I'm thankful that NYE only comes once a year

I'm thankful that my coworkers son will be home for a visit soon, currently he is sitting waiting to board the plan for the 18 hour flight home.

I'm so thankful for the men, women and families who sacrifice and serve our country so we can enjoy the freedoms that we have.

I'm thankful for the stories like the people who were going and paying off other peoples lay-aways for Christmas

I'm thankful for the generous man who gave Mr. Clean and I the Christmas card and the blessing of his gift.

I'm thankful that God had a plan and that He sent His Son to be born, and then to die so that we have the gift of eternal life with Him!

December 22-26 recap

2011-12-28T15:21:00.001-05:00

Last Thursday night I made pecan bars, chocolate chip cookies and sugar cookie dough. I also wrapped presents and listened as Mr. Clean and our neighbor put together the big Christmas present for Girl Clean. I was so very very thankful for our neighbor coming over to help. Mr. Clean needed help and having someone who knew what he was doing made a HUGE difference in the outcome of the project!!!

Friday of last week I took the day off. I have started a new tradition with my mom and I go over and help her get the house ready. She now hosts Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at the house so naturally this is a bit stressful and it helps to have me come over to scrub toilets and do whatever else might need to be done.

I arrived with Jack and he was sooo happy to see the grandparents! My Dad had the day off so he was home and then I got the wonderful surprise of Bean and Jelly arriving! It was such an awesome afternoon hanging out and talking. I rolled out, decorated and baked the sugar cookies and helped with dishes. Mom and Dad had a wedding to go to so I stayed a little while longer talking to Bean and Jelly. Then Jack and I headed home where we hung out and relaxed.

Saturday morning I woke up early so that Jack and I could fit a run in to our day. It was such a gorgeous morning and a wonderful run!! I got home and showered and did my hair and makeup. I picked Girl Clean up from her mom's at 11:45. We had to be at Mr. Clean's parent's house at 1. I got the girl home and changed and we packed up the car and headed out. Unfortunately our time with Family Clean was a little rushed. Instead of waiting until after church we decided on 1, meaning we only had 2 hours and 25 minutes to eat and open presents. I received a new pair of boots, running clothes, and a very generous gift card to Marshall's as well as a WW online membership and gift certificate to get my toes done!

Girl Clean racked up on the loot!! She received a bag full of clothes and a huge tent as well as a lot of other really generous gifts. Mr. Clean's favorite was probably a tie between the Marshall's gift card and the complete set of seasons of The Big Bang Theory. We opened presents and gave hugs and headed out for church. The service was at 4 and we arrived in plenty of time. It was such a sweet service and they kept it right at an hour. We were home relaxing by a little after 5.

Christmas Eve night/Christmas Morning Mr. Clean was so excited he couldn't sleep. I woke up early Christmas morning and made sure I had my hair and makeup done for pictures, yes I am that girl. I went to make coffee and he said before you do that hold on let me give you one of your presents. He went and came back with… a Keurig coffee maker!!! I kind of thought this would be my present because he had asked me a lot of questions about them. I told him he did not have to wrap any of my presents. He had enough stress with a busy week and getting the big present put together I didn't want to add any additional stress. Knowing he had presents for me was enough for me!!! He purchased a box of k-cups to go with my coffee maker present and I thoroughly enjoyed my cup of coffee!!!

Girl Clean finally woke up around 8 and we had her dollhouse in her room all set up. She walked out of the bedroom and it was the first thing she saw. She literally kept shaking she was so so so excited!!! She was the cutest thing! It was so much fun to watch her and see her face, she LOVED it!!!

We went into the family room to open the rest of her presents and do stockings. Jack Banner got new toys in his stocking. Mr. Clean received assorted kitchen things, like a meat thermometer and spatula. Girl Clean got candy, stickers, lip gloss, headbands, etc. In my stocking Mr. Clean had given me a new jewelry set, and reusable k-cup that I can put coffee in so I don't have to keep buying k-cups.

For Mr. Clean's gifts I had purchased him a Marshall's gift card, I wrapped it up with socks so it wouldn't be as obvious. I also purchased a cooking class back in August. I printed it out and wrapped it with bamboo cooking utensils. He was so surprised and very excited about his gift!!!

Then he went back to get my other gift. I was not expecting anything else since I'd already been given the gym membership and the coffee maker. He shocked me with a Kindle Fire. I had specifically said I did not really want an E-reader because knowing myself I was concerned I would just let it sit in a drawer. Fortunately for me he got me one anyways. I sat down with it and figured out how to get on the internet and later that night I figured out how to download books for free from the library!

Girl Clean played with her new loot and I played on the Kindle for a while. Her mom was coming at 2 to pick her up so I made sure that she was ready and dressed when her mom arrived. I loaded up my car with my families presents and after Girl Clean's mom picked her up we headed to my parents.

Bean and Jelly and my Grandmommy along with my parents all waited to do presents until we arrived. We sat in a circle and took turns opening our gifts and admiring what we had been given. It was such a wonderful time!! My brother and sister in love gave me the exact set of curlers that I wanted. My mom gave me the exact pantyhose that I needed. I received lots of really awesome gifts and of course Jack Banner had a stocking full of goodies for him!!! My family was also super generous regarding Girl Clean and she had presents to open from them as well.

At 5 my mom's sister, and her husband and my cousin arrived. They were in charge of the food for dinner, even though we were having it at our house. We sat down at 6 to eat fresh shrimp, baked potatoes and salad. For dessert, coconut cake, YUM!!!! We had a house full of people and love and Jack was on his best behavior. I was so pleased that he, for the most part, stayed on his pillow the way he is supposed to when we are eating.

Mr. Clean had to work the following morning so we didn't stay long past dinner. We got home and relaxed for a little bit before going to bed. Monday morning Jack and I went for another really awesome run!! Then I showered and put Jack back in the car. We picked up Girl Clean from her mom and went to my parents to hang out for the day. I helped my mom get the house back in order, Girl Clean got to open more presents, and we watched movies and had lunch. I took her back to her mom at 4:30.

I could not have asked for a more special, wonderful first Christmas. It was such a great time and the memories and moments I definitely treasure!!! Looking back over the pictures makes me smile!!!

2011 in Pictures

2011-12-28T08:23:00.001-05:00

January 2011

The year started with snow and then ice, fortunately this did not last past January!

I escaped the cold for VEGAS!!!! It was a trip I'm glad I experienced!

February 2011

Valentines Night - the after shot

Fashion Friday, and my new jeans, that are not new any longer and I still think they are fabulous!!!

February brought this little girl into my life, this was the first day we met we went to the kid museum

March 2011

My friend NH ran her first 5K with me, the Corporate Cup

Jack Banner

Car ride nap, love the glasses!

March 19, 2011 I got engaged!!!!

April 2011

I started the month with a trip to DC I got to meet Lisa and Becky and I stayed with my friend Jess

Lisa and I ran the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler race

I went to an Easter Egg Hunt with Girl Clean

I traveled to Boone to pick out my dress!!!

May 2011

I picked Jack up from my parents after my 2nd CIC test, which I PASSED!!!!

We picked flowers for Girl Clean's Mommy for Mother's Day

June 2011

My sweet and extremely talented friend VB did the table decorations, yes by hand

Lots of yummy food!!!

Hanging out after pictures and before the ceremony

Saying our vows June 11, 2011

July 2011

I ran the 4 miler race

Had a day off to hang out by the pool

August 2011

We took a trip to New Bern

I hung out with Girl Clean and Jack Banner

Jack enjoyed walks and runs

October 2011

Pooh went for a swing

We had our first guests, my friend NH and her boyfriend came over for dinner

Girl Clean rocked her cowgirl boots

Halloween Fairy

November 2011

I took a trip to DC to visit my friend Jess

The drive was absolutely gorgeous!!! I had a wonderful time!!!

Girl Clean's mom sends me fun pictures of when they're hanging out!

Mr. Clean leaves me sweet notes in random places

December 2011

My friend Margs and her little boy came up to help us decorate Christmas cookies

Girl Clean and Daddy made cookies in her kitchen

We decorated the Christmas tree

Jack Banner and I went over to my parents on the 23rd so I could help my mom

Jack just hanging out at home

Girl Clean's big Christmas Surprise

The other side of the big surprise!

Girl Clean on Christmas Eve

Opening presents

I got new running clothes, Yay!!!!

Christmas Eve at church, we were dancing

My family Chrismtas Eve 2011

2011 has been an amazing year!!! I don't have Christmas day pics if I do get some I will be sure to do a separate Christmas post. I'm so thankful and so blessed, so very excited for what 2012 will bring!!!

A girl moment

2011-12-20T15:48:00.000-05:00

Girl Clean turns 3 in January. No secret I think she is just fabulous!! We don't have cable but we do have netflix so she has unlimited Dora and we've been introducing other programs as well. One of the programs, that she and I both really like, is Angelina the Ballerina. Last night Mr. Clean told me the following story.

Sunday afternoon Mr. Clean had her at the playground there was a little girl there who belongs to the family who live across the street from the playground. The little girl was sweet but kept doing all these things that GC couldn’t quite do since she was probably 4 or 5 to GC’s almost 3. One of the Angelina’s has an episode where they do pirouette left, pirouette right, and it’s this whole little cheer. So this little girl had bested GC a few times and my girl busted this cheer out complete with the moves, as best she could do them. Mr. Clean couldn’t laugh but he really wanted to!

I see dance lessons in the girl's future!!!

On puppies - a soapbox

2011-12-20T09:46:00.000-05:00

I just had a conversation with one of my underwriters regarding very very precious chocolate lab puppies. Knowing my u/w I knew that while the puppies are absolutely precious this is actually not a match made in heaven.

The fact of the matter is puppies are a whole lot of work. I adore Jack Banner, I would not trade him FOR THE WORLD! However, I knew before adopting him that I was in for a lot of time and even knowing this I still didn't put enough time into properly training him. Honestly for me this was not an issue until it became an issue but there are things that I don't think people realize.

I pointed out to my underwriter that while that puppy is adorable the messes that said puppy will make have to be cleaned up. The puppy has to be taken out at regular intervals. Labs (and any dog) need a lot of excercise. They have to be able to burn off all their energy or else they start chewing couches, shoes, walls, etc. I explained that puppies require shots and the first year is actually really expensive to make sure that all the proper vaccines are provided.

When I visited my friend Jess she totally impressed the store lady who was helping her daughter choose just the right guinea pig. Jess did A TON of research, created a safe environment and had everything ready to go before Marshmellow ever came home.

Anytime anyone is considering pet adoption, of any kind, I have one word RESEARCH!!!!!!!!!!!

I waited a long time before I adopted Jack. To a certain extent I knew how much responsibility it was. I knew that for a long time I didn't have the proper time to devote to a puppy. Even when I adopted him I still did not but I also knew that by adopting a puppy I would have a dog used to spending a lot of time alone. I purposely asked for the sleeper and eater of the group to make sure that my dog would be ok during the day.

Working with the trainer has been wonderful for both Mr. Clean and I and Jack. He is much more secure and the fact that he gets rewarded with chicken and hot dogs makes my food loving puppy very happy!

Puppies are wonderful, delightful and oh so special. They also require a lot of attention and focus. It's not just something that you can shove in a corner at the end of a long day. Small dogs are not always kid friendly although any dog can be trained when worked with.

There are so many animals that are in need of a loving home. I'm not trying to discourage pet adoption, just make sure that you know what you're getting into before you bring that sweet lovable furball home!!!

Weekend in Pictures

2011-12-19T09:37:00.001-05:00

We had a full weekend!! Saturday I had hoped Girl Clean would agree to skating but she was pretty insistent on Monkey Joes. So we called our niece and asked if she wanted to join us. We knew the girl would need someone to go with her on the various bouncy things. Fortunately our niece is an absolute sweetheart and is really patient and fantastic with the girl!!!

Pizza break!

We stopped for donuts on our way home. Girl Clean had her first chocolate covered white cream filled donut, it was yummy!!! She started to just eat the chocolate off the top then her cousin showed her what was inside and that donut disappeared!

Sunday we went and picked out the present for Girl Clean's mom. Then we got home and I fell asleep while Girl Clean went to the park with her Dad. They came home and we started pulling out Christmas decorations. I purchased the Hallmark singing dancing, displays when I worked at the store. When we were going through all our stuff I refused to get rid of these and seeing Girl Clean's reaction I am so very glad I held on to them!!!

She started off standing up

Then she pulled up a chair and made sure her bears were given the view as well

Then she helped her Dad decorate the tree.

Our house is now decorated, and looks really pretty. I never decorated my condo very much so it's neat to have the house decorated and the stockings hung. Girl Clean loves lights and decorations so this was a fun thing for her to participate in!!! It's so hard to believe that Christmas is this coming weekend!!!

Thankful Thursday

2011-12-15T10:48:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for the sweet mini post it notes that I found in random places last night and this morning, my shoe box, by the door, on my curlers, I'm curious where I might find more...

I'm thankful for my parents, who are gifting me with new tires

I'm thankful for a 1/2 day of work gifted to me by the company for Christmas

I'm thankful that there are currently three hostesses scheduled meaning I leave the restaurant at 8 instead of 9

I'm thankful for the holiday lunch we had at the full time job on Tuesday (where I got my 1/2 day gift)

I'm thankful for the Tuesday night meetings!

I'm thankful for Kohls coupons and cash!!!

I'm thankful for the trainer who has made such a huge difference in our lives, Jack Banner is a super happy puppy!!!

I'm thankful for the beautiful weather!!! It's unseasonably warm, and I love it!!!

I'm thankful for Christmas music, this year I'm trying to appreciate it instead of immediately flipping the station every time.

I'm thankful that lunch Sunday with Girl Clean's mom went so well!!!

I'm thankful for the time we will spend with out families over the coming weeks!!

I'm thankful that as this year is quickly approaching an end I can honestly say it's been fascinating, and hard, and wonderful and unlike any other year, I will always remember 2011!!!

A little help

2011-12-13T15:21:00.000-05:00

I regularly edit my blog roll. I went through a routine clean up several weeks ago. I had one blog that I thought I had removed, I go to manager, enter password, click unfollow, the end.

Now thinking that maybe there was some glitch and I actually had not removed this blog I went back to manager, except this blog is not on my roll. Nor is it in my sidebar. I removed it from all places on blogger.

Google Reader keeps showing this blog. I've now unsubscribed about 50 times, not even kidding.

It's not on my blog roll, it doesn't show up on blogger, but it's like this viral thing that will not leave reader.

What do I do???

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Training, Christmas

2011-12-12T10:41:00.000-05:00

I'm learning, that just because life doesn't look the way I thought it would that this doesn't mean that it's not wonderful!!!

Friday night I worked at the restaurant and as I expected we were super busy. We went on a wait for tables, fortunately not a super long one. Unless you walked in with no reservations at 7pm and then I had to explain that I would not be able to seat you in my main dining room until 9pm. You are welcome to find a table in my lounge area which is first come first serve. I have now been saying this to people for more years then I care to count. This is pretty standard in Charlotte restaurants.

I got home and Mr. Clean had dinner waiting for me. He had fixed me french fries and salmon patties, YUMMY!!!! I was super impressed. After I ate I fixed the sugar cookie dough for the next day.

Saturday morning I took Jack for a walk. We had lots of training opportunities. Then we went to the grocery store so I could run in real quick. I got home and Mr. Clean made breakfast while I mixed up chocolate chip cookie dough. I went back to my very basic recipe and the cookies turned out great!! After I made the chocolate chip cookies I made peanut butter chip. Then I made pecan bars, that were so yummy!!!! I was finishing that up when Girl Clean arrived and she and I decorated sugar cookies again.

I finally showered and got ready for church and then we came home and watched the Meaning of Christmas, the movie that has been released by one of the guys who created Veggie Tales. It was super awesome!!!

Sunday morning I vacuumed and we straightened the house up. Girl Clean's mom was coming over for lunch. We had a really great lunch and then after they left Mr. Clean took the cookies to his family while Jack and I went for a run. Once again we had many many training opportunities. Fortunately yesterday I remembered the hot dogs to help with those moments!

The trainer was arriving at 5 so that gave me time to get home and get showered and then I put the cookies in the container for the girls that work with Mr. Clean and also the trainer.

I had been fairly tense over the weekend because it was important that lunch went well, and it did. Jack picked up on my tension and was not listening to me at all. Last night we worked with him on overcoming his fear. He had to touch our hands and then he got treats. It sounds like an easy concept but for a fearful dog this is actually a huge deal!!! By the end of our time together Jack was doing awesome!!!

The thing about our trainer. Even though she's there to work with Jack it also makes a difference for Mr. Clean and I. I'm so incredibly thankful for the difference in our house. Jack listens to Mr. Clean and they have formed a really great bond that is so cool to watch!!! The trainer pointed out to me that I have to remain consistent because in Jack's eyes if I don't then that makes me the crazy one.

Our trainer has spent many hours in a wolf refuge studying pack behavior. She knows so much, which is why Mr. Clean respects her as much as I do.

After she left we chilled, Jack was exhausted after the excitement of lunch time company, a run and the trainer coming to work with him. He and I were both asleep by 9:30.

Yesterday marks 6 months since I got married. I looked at Mr. Clean and was honestly able to say I love you more today then the day I married you. I also realized that yesterday is the 2 week date from Christmas. We're now less then 2 weeks out, good thing we are mostly ready for it!!!!

Happy Monday!!!

email, pet peeves, shopping, communicating

2011-12-09T15:41:00.001-05:00

It's Friday and this has been a crazy busy week at the full time job!!! My work email has been above 35 all week which is unusual for me. Today it is back in the 25 range, much more typical!!! I did get all rushes and renewals done, that was the important part!

I work tonight and I have a feeling it will be crazy at the restaurant as well.

I try to remember that I have to be nice to people, and that they have a right to like the table that they sit at. However, one of my BIGGEST pet peeves of restaurant hostessing, are the guests who pick the table. I work a rotation, I have servers breathing down my neck for tables. Servers have sections. Sometimes I might be trying to give you the better server. For me personally give me a better server over a better table any day of the week!

Last night Mr. Clean and I ventured out for Christmas shopping. I got home around 5 and worked with Jack on sitting, staying and laying down while Mr. Clean went to the bank. Then he got home and we were off. We started at Hobby Lobby and got our niece a scrapbook. Then we went to Kohls and picked up the rest of his sisters and his Grandmothers. Yesterday at lunch I found my mom's. Meaning Christmas presents are all purchased!!! I also stayed within my given range for gifts, GO ME!

I really love Mama Clean a lot! We're trying to figure out how to convince her to start a college fund and take the money that would be spent on things like 2 un-needed Christmas dresses = $50 and put it towards college!!! Not my place, so working with my husband on how to do this tactfully without his usual direct method that unintentionally hurts feelings. Example when he saw the dresses yesterday and stated that I already had outfits and he was told she could wear more then one his response was this is not the Emmy awards she does not need 4 outfits for one day. To me this response was funny, but had I been in Mama Cleans position it most likely would have hurt my feelings.

I can honestly say that because of me he has realized that he needs to soften his statements in order to be heard. I've explained that often times if he wants me to hear what he's saying, or wants girl clean to hear what he's saying, he needs to modify tone and how it is said in order to achieve communicating his message effectively. I told him that yes truth should be spoken but truth needs to be spoken in love when it comes to family and friends.

The trainer comes back on Sunday evening. I'm super thrilled to learn more. Jack is really intelligent and definitely does better when he's being challenged. I've been loving the progress and I know there is still a lot that Mr. Clean and I have to learn in order to help Jack. It's going so well, and this makes me oh so happy!!!

Happy Friday!!!

A friend in need

2011-12-08T10:45:00.000-05:00

My friend Hailey has a post up. We knew each other before our blogs but reconnected through the blogs. I love how that works!

Her post includes links to help a friend. A friend we love who has had an extraordinarily devastating few years.

Please click over and check it out. Thank you!

Thankful Thursday

2011-12-08T08:37:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful that my manager let me go home around 8 both Monday and last night. I get there earlier now so this works out well for me!

I'm thankful that my friend came up on Sunday and we were able to spend several hours together.

I'm thankful for blog turned IRL friends!

I'm thankful for my family, both sides, it's weird and I'm still adjusting to the fact that I have 2 (plus Girl Clean's mom) families.

I'm thankful that tonight we (Mr. Clean and I) are going Christmas shopping and putting up the tree, Yay!!!

I'm thankful for the trainer and the difference that has made with Jack!!!

I'm thankful that we had the opportunity yesterday at the full time job to give feedback to the bosses, bosses boss.

I'm thankful that the training class I attended last July meant that I didn't have to attend that same training class this week!!!!

I'm thankful for Target, and the fact that there are 3 within a 10 minute drive from my office, there are 2 walmarts within 10 minutes from the office, LOL and the Kohls, Marshalls, and Mall, yup lots of places to visit on a lunch hour!

I'm thankful that I'm not sick, 2 weeks was plenty long enough!

I'm thankful that I have a new gym membership!!!

I'm thankful that the dealership alerted me to the need for a new battery and that the new tires will be contributed towards as Christmas present, works for me!

I'm blessed! Happy Thursday!!

72 days 12 weeks 2 1/2 months

2011-12-07T10:48:00.001-05:00

72 days, 12 weeks, about 2 1/2 months I've thought a lot about this time frame.

Clearly I am no expert on marriage. I figured out on the calendar that 2 1/2 months into my own marriage was right around August 22. At that point in time the biggest question I had was what would my next step be.

I was newly married (I'm still newly married and I'm no expert I know), and beyond miserable. I felt that I had made the biggest mistake ever. I felt that the situation was completely and totally hopeless, despite my best efforts to remain positive. More then anything I wanted to walk out the door and never go back.

I was so lost, so unhappy, so frustrated, disheartened, disillusioned, angry, confused, and my friends listened and supported, all the while wishing that I would just leave, because it was so ridiculous.

Looking back now, honestly, I'm shocked that I stayed. Initially what held me there was the fact that I don't believe in divorce, until it becomes absolutely necessary. It's a decision that sometimes must be made. It's a personal choice, one that you yourself have to come to. No one else can ever tell you what to do with your life, because at the end of the day the only one who answers for your choices and your decisions is you.

I'm not a well known celebrity. I'm not constantly being chased by cameras. I didn't have a much publicized whirlwind courtship and wedding. Romance vs Showmance, really only that individual knows her heart, her motives, and her truth.

I did have a whirlwind courtship. I did have a wedding. Honestly had we done the courthouse thing, I would have had a much easier time slipping out of my promises. No one was there to witness it, making it much easier to walk away from it. Yet I made promises in front of God, my husband, and my family and friends. This was another factor that I wrestled with along with the other emotions I mentioned above.

The truth of my story had me seeking the Heavenly Father in a way that I never had before. I knew that just because X + Y were factors this did not give me a "get out of jail free" ticket from my marriage. I understood this very clearly. I started looking back on what I had written about my life. I came to understand that I had never been happy with myself, making me the key factor for why I couldn't make a relationship work. I liked to analyze and reflect and all that finally brought me to a conclusion, I was responsible for me.

I started reading. I started researching. I have always known that knowledge is power.

There were changes happening. The biggest turning point for me came in October when I began to learn about steps and I accepted that there are things I am powerless over. I realized that change begins with me and if nothing changes then nothing changes. 8 weeks later I'm working to take life one day at a time. Of course I have plans and ideas. I am seeking the next steps for my life. There is a difference in me, a serenity that I've never had before. I wake up every day, THANKFUL!!!! I started my Thankful Thursday's because I knew that I've been instructed to be thankful in ALL circumstances even when I don't "feel" like it. Now everyday I feel full of love and acceptance. I have prayed that I will be less judgmental of others. I have days of frustration, disappointment, PMS, feeling pulled in a million directions. Yet even with the normal craziness of life I am content and usually full of joy.

The unexpected challenges at the beginning of the summer allowed me to grow. The truth is I could have had my own 72 day marriage, yet I realized that this wasn't what I wanted, I wanted to know that I did everything I could. I have changed me, and I am continually working to let go and let God. When people ask me how I am I can honestly say, I’m happy, content, I like my life. I know that I'm blessed, I know that I'm loved. I still have challenges, I still have moments of frustration. I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am right where God wants me to be!!!

"Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Colossians 3:12-15

Further training

2011-12-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

Last night I had to work at the restaurant. I got a text that Jack had just stayed for an extended period of time. This is a super big deal!!!

I emailed the trainer yesterday to express my thanks, which words just can't do justice how thankful I am, for the difference in my house. My dog is so incredibly happy and life is good. I had a few questions and she responded very quickly with answers.

I got home and Jack showed off his newly learned sit and STAY ability. His mommy is just so super proud!!!! I'm really looking forward to Christmas when we bring him around my family and they see the huge difference with him. He is so much less fearful and so much more relaxed and calm then he ever has been before.

Today I'm planning on purchasing my Mom's Christmas present. Once purchased the only one we have left is Mr. Clean's Grandmother. She got her ears pierced around the same time we got married and Mr. Clean wants to get her earrings. I have no idea what he has in his head that he wants and neither does he so it's making this gift purchase interesting!

Cookie Decorating in pictures

2011-12-05T08:00:00.000-05:00

One 3 year old, one almost 3 year old, lots of sprinkles and candy, and you have a successful cookie decorating day!!!

I have to say that yesterday was rather surreal. I have never done a cookie decorating party at my house before. Having one of my very best friends come to hang out was just so special. I know that lots of people do cookie decorating, and I've baked for a long time. There was just something so special to me about the memory created yesterday!

Weekend Recap

2011-12-04T19:24:00.000-05:00

Friday night we were busy at the restaurant. I love busy nights, they go by super fast!!! I got out later then normal and got home just around 11. Girl Clean was asleep on the couch and Mr. Clean had been trying to get the internet up and running at the house. He was BEYOND frustrated, the cable rep was supposed to arrive between 3-5 didn't show up until almost 9. Then it took several more hours and phone calls before it was up, I went to bed. He wasn't taking out his aggravation on me but he was so mad it was all he could do to keep the steam from coming out his ears. I was actually super impressed that he got it to work, I call someone else for stuff like that, usually my Dad.

Saturday morning I took Jack for a walk, it was wonderful!!! I had to get my oil changed. I found out I needed a new battery and new tires. The new battery I was waiting for, I bought the car in 2007 and I've never replaced the battery. The new tires, I knew that was coming but I told them that I wasn't doing new tires yesterday. I told my parents my Christmas present can be a contribution towards my new tires. After that fun time I met my parents and Grandmommy for lunch.

I got home and made chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter, peanut butter chip cookies and made the dough for my sugar cookies that were being decorated today. Thank you Sassy Times for the world's best sugar cookie recipe EVER!!!!! They are soft and delicious and wonderful. After my little baking spree we had church which have I mentioned lately how happy I am that we have a Saturday night service? It's the greatest to go on Saturday night and then have all day Sunday!

This morning I was supposed to run but I totally didn't feel like it. Instead I cleaned up, made coffee and got ready for MFT and AMini (her little boy is her husbands mini) to arrive. Girl Clean was super excited to have a friend her age come to the house. Jack Banner did very well, I was so happy with how well he did!! Mr. Clean made yummy mac and cheese for lunch. We had the best time decorating cookies and hanging out.

After our friends left with their cookies I put cookies in containers for our neighbors and then took Jack for a run. It's the holiday tour walk in town so I had many "training opportunities" for Jack. Over all it went well, we got 4 miles in and came home to hang out until Mr. Clean left to take Girl Clean back to her mom's. We made sure she had cookies to share there too, she was super excited!!!

It has been an amazing weekend!!! Back to work tomorrow!!!

Christmas, spicy hot, running in circles, decorating

2011-12-02T13:16:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned that for Christmas I requested a WW online membership. Last night I got home and greeted Jack. Mr. Clean was tired, and not wanting to cook. So we said good bye to Jack and went to grab something to eat.

Next to the restaurant is a gym, and I decided to peek in and check it out. I have mentioned that the current gym I go to is only my gym because it was the most convenient for me at the time I purchased my membership. This new gym was fantastic, all new equipment, not ridiculously crowded. I spoke to the sales guy, and he took us on a quick tour. They have an acutal movie theatre room that has cardio equipment set up and you can watch movies while working out. HELLO! Those hours I spent on the treadmill while training for my 1/2 marathon would have been a heck of a lot easier in the dark on a treadmill while being distracted by a movie.

I got the numbers and took my hungry husband out the door to the restaurant. I said, "hey instead of WW online what if you got me this membership instead?" To which he shrugged his shoulders and said if it's what you want then we can do that but what about, blah blah blah. My answer, I don't know I'll let you ask the guy when we go back.

We tried a Thai place last night that was super fantastic. We'd ordered a coupon and last night was as good a night as any to finally get over there. The appetizer we started off with had dumplings, spring rolls and chicken on skewers. When we placed our orders the waitress mentioned that they go up to 10 stars for spicy but most people don't like their food that hot. I changed my 4 stars to a 5 when she told us that and Mr. Clean ordered 8 stars spicy. The waitress stated that if we liked spicy she could bring us the thai chili paste that is very spicy and not offered unless asked for it. She brought the little bowl to our table and Mr. Clean put some on his spring roll, he literally had tears form. I tried a bit on my spring roll too, not as much as he did. It was extremely hot/heat/spicy but not so much that there was no flavor to it.

I stopped with the one bite. I've had heart burn in the past that led me to believe I was having a heart attack so I refrain from too much spice now. Mr. Clean finished the bowl and she brought another one. I ordered a delicious veggie and shrimp stir fry dish and he ordered a chicken and vegetables speciality that is served on a nest of crispy noodles. Both our dishes were wonderful!

After dinner we went back to the gym, Mr. Clean asked a few questions, and my Christmas present was purchased. I am so very very excited about my new gym. Unfortunately I don't have a whole lot of time to go but I do plan to try. The gym is actually close to where my Tuesday night meetings are so I'm trying to figure out if I can go to the gym, shower and then head to my meetings, this might be possible I'm just not sure yet.

We got home later then expected because of the gym membership purchase. Mr. Clean sat outside on the porch for 30 minutes while I ran up and down and around a parking lot with Jack. At the end of our road is a ball park and there is a huge parking lot, so we would run up the road, back down and around the parking lot twice, it worked out much better then I would have expected. I discovered that going up our road is a gradual hill, I figured this out the first time up.

Tonight I work at the restaurant. Tomorrow I have to get my oil changed. I drive 40 miles one way to work, which means these oil changes happen closer together then ever before. Then I'll pick up the few more things I need for my cookie decorating day on Sunday!!! During lunch today I made a gas and Walmart run and purchased a ton of supplies for decorating.

Happy Friday!!!!

Birthday's should be celebrated!

2011-12-01T11:01:00.000-05:00

Y'all know I am a HUGE birthday person!!! I love all things birthday related!!! I'm a believer in celebrating and Gina's birthday is coming up on December 22. She has a special birthday wish this year. Her goal is to raise money for Living Water International.

Go check this out, and help her celebrate her birthday.

“And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’" Matthew 25:45

Thankful Thursday

2011-12-01T08:07:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for my Turkey Trot 8K and my friends who ran it with me. Without them there I would have skipped out on it.

I'm thankful that I had a wonderful first Thanksgiving with my husband

I'm thankful that I have been able to get back to the 2nd job

I'm thankful for the new hostess, who I think is fabulous (high turnover rate of hostesses mean there are often new people to meet)

I'm thankful for my husband

I'm thankful that I was able to spend Friday with my mom and go to dinner with my parents and their friends

I'm thankful for the consignment store!!!

I'm thankful for Girl Clean's mom!

I'm thankful for my MIL and the time we spent together on Saturday the only thing that would have made it better is if my SIL had been able to join us.

I'm thankful for Bean and Jelly and hoping I can get up to their house soon, they have been in it for months and I haven't seen it yet

I'm thankful for the opportunity to shop for Christmas presents

I'm thankful for the trainer, who taught us so much in just a few short hours!!!

I'm thankful for my puppy and how he shows unconditional love

I'm thankful for not having to cook

I'm thankful for forgiveness, and knowing that my sins have been washed away!

working out, notes, cookies, schedules Christmas

2011-12-01T08:03:00.000-05:00

Tuesday night instead of a workout video I put away dishes and ate dinner. My meeting at 8 is necessary but with it being dark so early I don't feel comfortable going for a run and this is what I would most like to do. I worked Monday and Wednesday night. Tonight, I will get a workout of some kind in. I'm trying to make sure I track food, to be perfectly honest yesterday I just quit because I kept eating.

I know that trying to fit a workout in at lunch is just not do-able I sweat which means I would need a shower, and that is going to require more than a 1 hour lunch. It could be worse though. My commute allows me more time in the evening then a normal 8-5 schedule so I'm thankful!

I have 2 thank you notes to write to the ladies who did the cakes for the wedding. These hang over my head and I want to get those written this weekend.

MFT is coming up on Sunday and we are going to decorate cookies. I'm very excited about this!!! I plan to get at least 2 visits in before they move to Canada so this is the first time since I found out that they are moving that we were able to set up. I don't think about her move too much because it does make me cry.

I've been researching races for the next few months. December I won't be doing one, and January I haven't found any but I know there will be 2 for February. Both 5K's and one will be the UNCC race and that one is super hilly and I wouldn't run it if it wasn't for my mom. She likes to come cheer me on for that one. I'm hoping Bean and Jelly will run it too!!! Longer races are just not an option for me at this point in time due to the training required. I know that December and January I'm particularly not fond of super long distances anyways.

I'm so excited that it's Christmas time. Already knowing that we will spend Christmas Eve with Family Clean and Christmas day with my family takes away the stress of trying to figure out what the plan is. Mr. Clean and Girl Clean worked on ornaments for the families on Saturday. He found little wooden ornaments and got spray glue and glitter and we set her at the kitchen table and let her decorate her ornaments to give everyone. Yes there was glitter everywhere but it was a fun memory!!!

work, shopping, training

2011-11-30T16:00:00.000-05:00

Monday night we were steady at the restaurant but not busy. Considering the rain and the fact it was a Monday after a holiday we could have been much much slower. The evening started with a text from Mr. Clean regarding Jack's progress. I was beyond thrilled to read the fact that he sat and didn't bark at the dogs at the house next to us. My manager let me go leave at 8 so I was home by 9. Mr. Clean was sitting on the porch talking to the neighbors and Jack was calm as a cucumber inside.

Yesterday I visited my favorite kid consignment store on my lunch hour. I found Girl Clean and really pretty little velvet and tulle Christmas dress. It's a red velvet top with cap sleeves and a full tulle skirt, for $5.50. I also purchased a really cute little skirt and top from Children's Place for $6 and then a little Gymboree dress for $5. I was super excited to find exactly what I had in my head for her to wear for Christmas Eve.

Last night I arrived home and worked with Jack a little bit, hung out with Mr. Clean some. I had my meeting at 8 and then was home a little after 9. Life in my house is night and day different and it is pretty much the coolest thing ever. I'm so incredibly happy.

Today I've been trying to find my outfit for Christmas Eve. In my head I have a picture of a full tulle skirt but I can not find anything close to what I want. I have a few other ideas but it's going to require me going into actual stores instead of trying to internet shop. I'm so busy at the full time job right now that I really need to focus so I missed any cyber deals that were available and I've only sporadically looked for my skirt idea.

Tonight I work at the restaurant. I know we'll be busy, so I'm hoping to be out as close to 9 as possible!!

Happy Wednesday!!!

Catching up

2011-11-28T10:34:00.001-05:00

It's Monday, and I am coming off the most amazing holiday weekend!!! Wednesday afternoon we were told our office was closing at 3, so that gave me a little time to kill in between the full time and the restaurant. Southpark Mall is 5 minutes from the restaurant and I knew I wanted to check the sales in the kids clothing so I decided to run in real fast. I found 2 little shirts and 2 dresses for an absolute steal!!! Then I had to head out for work.

For the Wednesday before Thanksgiving we were pleasantly busy. I was feeling OH SO MUCH better but still not 100%. By 7 I was feeling the fact that I hadn't worked at the restaurant in a week. Fortunately there was another hostess on and she stayed and I drove home.

Thursday morning I woke up early and put my running clothes on. I was running the Turkey Trot 8K with my friend NH, my friend the event coordinator (at both the old and new restaurant) and 8000 other runners. We met in the back parking lot of the restaurant and walked over to the start. Speedy NH took off and did an awesome job!!! SB ran with me and if she hadn't been I don't know what I would have done. It's the slowest race I've run in a very long time. Not running for 2 weeks, combined with being so sick are the reasons but I had really hoped for a much better race. I do know that there is always next year!

I dropped NH off at her place and picked up Jack. He was visiting his friends (NH's dogs). We were home at 11 which gave me time to shower and get ready and then I carried all the food that Mr. Clean had cooked out to the car. He made lima bean casserole, pumpkin risotto and we each made a loaf of pumpkin bread. We were at his parents at 1:30. There was turkey, ham, the food we brought and so much more. The clean up process took forever!!!! It was fun though we were laughing and talking and I didn't mind.

Friday morning I met Jess and Hailey for coffee. It was so much fun to catch up and people watch!! I left there and picked Jack up, then we drove down to my parents house. I promised my mom I would help her get the Christmas tree put together and I also helped her clean out a closet. She had all of my report cards as well as my brothers. Plus just a crazy amount of stuff that needed to be purged. I left to pick up Girl Clean and then she and I met my parents and their friends out for fish .

Saturday Mom Clean treated me to a pedicure and Girl Clean got her finger and toe nails painted and then we went to lunch. We had a very fun girls morning!! Saturday afternoon was low key, and then we went to church.

Sunday morning I met Girl Clean's mom to hand off the girl at 9:30. The trainer was coming to meet us at 10 to work with Jack. We were finally able to work it out for her to come. She arrived and we started talking. Mr. Clean listened carefully and fully participated. Jack Banner did extremely well. Apparently he's not a difficult case, he just needs to know that he is not in charge. I was so very very happy with how everything went!!! She comes back in 2 weeks to work with us again. In the meantime we have to practice everything that we learned yesterday. There was so much information I feel like I might be missing things but our biggest things to work on with him is keeping him calm and making him sit and stay and lay down. I can not say enough good things about the trainer she is truly wonderful!!!!!

After our morning with the trainer we were starving and Jack was tired so we left him to sleep and we went to lunch followed by Christmas shopping. Then last night we watched The Princess Bride, I love that movie. I borrowed it from my parents on Friday.

Today is back to reality, work, plus work. However coming off such an amazing weekend I am so happy. I'm thankful I have the 2 jobs to come back to!! Thankful that we had such a wonderful weekend! Thankful that I have been so very blessed!

cough, holidays, brownies

2011-11-23T08:35:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I asked the pharmacist what to get for my cough, she said Mucinex DM. I got back to work, took some, and I heard angels, well not really but almost.

Since last Wednesday I have seen the hours on the clock go by because of my cough. Last night for the first time since last Wednesday I actually slept through without my cough waking me up. I woke up this morning and didn't feel like a zombie. I'm so happy!!!!

I will be running tomorrow morning. I have no idea how it's going to go since the last time I ran was 2 weeks ago tomorrow. So glad that I did get that run in, and hoping for the best tomorrow!

We are spending Thanksgiving with Mr. Clean's family. This will be my first Thanksgiving ever that I'm not with my family, it's going to be weird. I feel bad for my mom since Bean and Jelly won't be there either. She gets them for Christmas Eve and gets me for Christmas Day but if she had her way she would have us for all of it.

I went to my meeting last night, with a wash cloth that I coughed into. I so needed to go to my meeting! I wasn't even questioning if I would go or not.

I'm debating on if I want to get out in the craziness of the shopping, I most likely will go the online route. This is what I did last year and it worked well for me!

I'm in the mood for brownies. I totally don't need to make a pan of brownies but I migth anyways.

Weekend in Review

2011-11-21T13:17:00.001-05:00

I made it to lunch with my family, which was so nice!!! The rest of the weekend was super low key. One of my favorite moments. Girl Clean came and was running from one room to the other and stops in front of me and smiles. I smile and wait. She says "I racing like Lori" I melt!

I am officially moved to the new work location, feels like an all new job. It's weird!

I'm going to try and work tonight, maybe.

Turkey Trot is Thursday, I'm hoping that this cough doesn't keep me from running it!

Happy Monday All!!

Friday

2011-11-18T11:10:00.000-05:00

I'm in a weird fog. I went to bed a little before 9 last night, and coughed, and coughed. I moved myself to the couch around 2, so I could sit up and lean against the couch. I was hoping for a run this weekend and I do think it's still possible... maybe.

Today is the official move day at work and all my stuff is in the 2 boxes. My desk has nothing on it, it's weird!

It's hard to believe that Thanksgiving is just next week. Had you asked me back in July if I would still be with Mr. Clean I probably wouldn't have answered, and my thought would have been no. The interesting thing is, we both have made an effort to change and improve. It all started when I realized that I had to change me, oddly enough.

I read a post I wrote back in February about moving pieces into place. I love how since then I've figured out so much more!

Jack Banner has more energy then he knows what to do with. He has been cooped up in the house all week. Last night we were throwing his toy for him just to try and help him burn some of the energy off.

I'm not working at the restaurant tonight. Standing at the door with the cold air hitting me, probably would not be the best idea for a faster recovery. I'm sure the guests would be turned off by a hostess hacking up a lung anyways.

I do think I'm going to be able to make lunch with my family tomorrow. I'll have been on medicine for more than 24 hours and I know that my cough is due to the sinus stuff so I won't be exposing anyone to anything. Specifically my Grandmommy. I'm so excited to see her as well as Bean and Jelly!!!!

Honestly today is one of those days where even though I'm sick, I am starting to feel better, and I absolutely feel very blessed!

Official

2011-11-17T15:47:00.000-05:00

I was super impressed by my doctors office. My appointment was at 2:30, I was out by 2:50. Back at work by 3:15. Meaning I kept my time for today to the 8 required hours.

Doctor said sinus infection and prescribed antibiotics. For the first time as an adult I was measured at the doctors. I'm 5'9. I've been avoiding the scale, today I had to step on it. Was I happy? No. Did it ruin my day? No. This weight actually seems to be a natural set point that I have. I go back to this weight when I eat.

I texted Mr. Clean and told him that it's official that I'm 5'9 and fat. He texted back that I'm not fat. I said the scale doesn't lie. He said neither do his eyes. He got points for that one. I'm doing my best to roll with this. I know that I'll start WW after the holidays. I know that I need help in learning healthy. I know that it's a process.

My doctor laughed when I told her that I g00gled my symptoms of today. The thing is I actually knew based on what I read what she was going to say. I know it's not always a good idea to g00gle stuff but for this I got rational answers.

My thankful list today was short because

2011-11-17T09:11:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to be thankful today. Because I know I'm blessed.

Last night my manager sent me home from the restaurant because in his words I was scaring away customers.

I am trying to stay positive, and remember that this too shall pass. I've done everything I can do to promote healthiness. Today I'm going to the doctor. I seem to be getting worse not better. Last night I was up between 2-3 coughing. I have an 8K a week from today, that I fully intend to run. It just might not be the pace I originally intended running it at.

Despite the issues up until today I could still taste and smell so my appetite was fine. Today is the first day that I haven't had an appetite. I'm not complaining about this.

I don't understand why I keep getting worse if I've been so proactively taking medicine and doing all the stuff that I read will help. This just doesn't make sense to me.

Mr. Clean made a lima bean casserole last night to try, it was a success, so he'll be taking that to the lunch with his Grandmother on Saturday.

I've been looking forward to my lunch on Saturday and now I'm wondering if I'll be able to go. This crud is not something I wish to share with others.

I have an innate ability to walk into a store and spend a lot of money. I can also walk in and walk out with nothing. It's completely dependant on the store, time of year, and what I may or may not need at that point in time.

We're moving from the 4th floor to the 2nd floor, this morning I packed up most of my stuff. I really don't want to take a PTO day tomorrow but I might have to. I've already texted another hostess to see if she can pick up my shift. The check from the restaurant is going to be pitiful, and this makes me sad and a little stressed!

I can't end this on a depressing note, that's not my style. The bright side, Thanksgiving is 1 week away. The holidays are around the corner. I will eventually quit feeling so yucky. I'm being very well taken care of and I do have a day of PTO saved just in case I did get sick.

Thankful Thursday

2011-11-17T08:51:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is 1 week from today

I'm thankful for my family and friends

I'm thankful that I was able to get a doctor appointment for today

I'm thankful for all the information so readily available when you type words into a search engine

I'm thankful that while this year has had it's ups and downs it has overall been a really good year

Confession

2011-11-16T15:28:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I hear a song on the radio and in my head I'm dancing. I used to love to dance, but I'm not any good unless I've had a few drinks, and those don't make me a good dancer they just make me think that I am.

I daydream sometimes about how I might become famous, and various scenarios of how this could happen.

I hear songs and wish I knew more about choreography because I think of steps that could work, I've only ever watched so you think you can dance one time, and I loved it!!!

I love to bake but really the only thing I do well are cookies and brownies. I don't have the patience or precision for complicated things.

If I didn't live with such a neat freak my clothing would totally still take over the bedroom

I have been known to skip real meals in order to allow for the calorie consumption of sugar or alcohol, I try not to do this anymore

I look at Princess Kate, and I'm so glad I don't have her life. While I daydream about how one day I might be famous, the reality is I wouldn't want cameras around me all the time.

I sound like a seal right now, it's not pretty. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow because it's now been 5 days.

I love the fact that my husband is so picky about how to clean the bathroom and load the dishwasher that I normally escape from these tasks because he does them. He also cooks, and he's really good at it. I can cook, but I don't very often because I don't have to.

I don't let my husband do my laundry. I'll throw his stuff in with mine if it goes with what I'm washing but I'm anal about my clothing.

We're getting ready to move locations at work and i just plan to move all my piles of paperwork without further organizing them. I feel that further organization is unnecessary

Most of my money goes towards gas and food. There is not much leftover. This is why I have store cards, this philosophy horrifies my husband, good thing all my cards are in my name!

Despite the fact that Girl Clean's mom is a model and super gorgeous I have always liked her, I think this is because she and I clicked from the start. I'm not trying to replace her in her daughter's life and she knows that I make life easier for her.

I drive by the neighborhood of Ballantyne Guy and Cokehead M on a weekly basis, sometimes twice a week since that's the route I go for gas. I always think that Charlotte is just too small!!

I hope that even though I'm going in to the restaurant tonight I don't have to stay late, otherwise I'm going to be hurting tomorrow!!!

Happy Wednesday!!!

ick, excercise, work, Christmas

2011-11-16T09:34:00.000-05:00

This ick won't quit. Last night I got home with the best of intentions to do just a toning DVD and hopefully go to my meeting. Didn't happen. I got as far as the couch. After my shower I realized why I felt the way I did, I took my temperature. 100.7. BLECH

Poor Jack he is a bundle of energy because he's not being properly excercised. I know he needs to be able to spend time outside to run around. I feel like the worst puppy mom ever.

I'm supposed to work at the restaurant tonight. I've managed to make it to my full time job every day, but I'm not sure how tonight is going to go. I probably should call out. I even started a text to see if one of my co-hostesses wanted my shift. I didn't send it because I know that if I don't work I don't make money, and I am working the job in order to fill in the gap. Being a grown up is sometimes so not fun.

We started to order several things for Christmas last night. It was through an online company that I had never ordered from before. We were excited for our finds. The ugly surprise at checkout was the shipping cost. We called customer service to see if they had any promo codes available, and also looked online for something that would help. I've always been a big online shopper, and I look for deals and I won't buy if shipping is too much. Because shipping was $20 in addition to the merchandise we just cleared the basket and clicked away.

I'll be looking for other options. Mr. Clean was disappointed he was thinking we were about to have half of our shopping done. I am not worried, last year I was ordering stuff up until the week before Christmas. This year I've been put on a budget, that is so weird to me.

I have an 8K a week from tomorrow and I haven't been able to run. This is bothering me. I was on track to have a good race. Now, I'll be on track just to finish this one. There's always the next one.

I determined that the breathe right strips are actually helping. I realized it because mine fell off last night and the difference between Monday and Tuesday morning as compared to this morning is significant.

We discussed Christmas stockings, Mr. Clean just wanted to put one up for Girl Clean since there is only one hook and he just did her stocking last year. I vetoed that. I told him we all need to have stocking (including Jack). My reasoning is that Christmas is not just about the Girl, and by her being the only one with a stocking I feel that it sends the wrong message. Granted the kid is going to be 3 in January so it probably doesn't matter that much but I believe that Christmas needs to be all inclusive. When I mentioned Jack's stocking Mr. Clean said that he hadn't budgeted for him, I told him that I knew this and already have what I need for Jack's stocking, thank you Target for your $1 bins!!!!

Thoughts for Tuesday

2011-11-15T15:11:00.000-05:00

I'm craving pizza, in a major way. I think it might be because I know I will have some on Friday. We won a free pizza lunch for completing service standard goals at work.

I purchased generic mucinex type medicine yesterday, today I purchased cough tablets, I am hoping that my proactiveness and willingness to medicate will enable me to get better faster. Coughing, sneezing, ick. I'm sure my coworkers love me. Of course many sound like I do so I guess we're in it together.

I didn't work at the restaurant last night, I knew I needed to go home and rest. So I did.

I mentioned the pizza craving, and I should also mention, which I know I've shared before, it's a bad idea to shop for food when you're hungry. I purchased 2 different kinds of granola bars, special K bars, and granola squares at lunch. I had requirements, they had to look good and be less then 150 calories, yet I still doubt that much carb loading is necessary.

I need to run, but I think going to the gym tonight would be a bad idea. I'm still going to have to use a breathe right strip tonight in order to breathe. I'm thinking that's a sign that I don't need to go run. I also am debating my meeting. I want to go, need to go, yet don't want to share with everyone this ick. It's a small room...

I keep thinking about new jeans, except I have more then enough pairs right now. Granted not all of them fit the way I want them to...

My friend NH is looking at races for next year, I told her I don't have time to train for a 1/2. I'm hoping that I will eventually run another 1/2 but at this point in time I know for a fact that the training would be more then I am able to do right now.

I am happy though. It's something I realized in conversation with Dr. MG. We were going back and forth and it hit me that I'm happy. I think this is for a lot of reasons.

I will be having lunch this Saturday with my Mom, Grandmommy, Bean and Jelly. I'm super excited to see them!!! I haven't seen Bean and Jelly since July, time flies!!!! Mr. Clean will be having lunch with his Grandmother, this was something that I actually knew about before my mom told me about our lunch, so in order to make both sides happy we decided to handle it this way.

We also figured out the holidays. It will be the first Thanksgiving ever where I won't be with my family. But next year will be my family's turn.

Dr. MG sent me a recipe for buttercream icing, and I really want to try and make it. Mr. Clean asked me what I would put it on. I said why do I need anything to put it on. Of course, this whole not being able to work out is not conducive to me splurging. The recipe calls for 4 sticks of butter, that's a box of butter!!! I think I'll have to wait to make it for when I actually do have something to put it on.

Girl Cleans Christmas present, the fabulous doll house, arrived yesterday. Christmas purchases are starting, and I'm so excited!!!

Letter to 25 year old me

2011-11-14T13:26:00.002-05:00

You just bought a condo (tiny shoebox that it is it is yours and you love it) and you think that marriage will happen in the next 5 years, it won't. You will learn invaluable lessons during this time. You will have your heart broken, but not by a man. You will learn what it means to walk away and save yourself.

Right now you want to party and have fun, and you think that life will be perfect if you look a certain way and marry someone who fits a certain idea that you have.

I promise you that that the numbers on the scale will always be a reminder but should not determine whether or not your day is good or bad. You do not need any man to make your life perfect.

You will have a falling out with one of your best friends and then stand up with her at her wedding. You will watch some of your friends marry and some become mommy's (sometimes not always in that order) and it will make your heart happy

You will say goodbye to your Grandaddy and watch your Grandmommy fade.

Your brother will get married before you and you will love your SIL so much it won't even bother you the way you might have believed that it would.

You will try to make relationships work, only to realize that you need to walk away. You will learn how to stand up for yourself, appreciate yourself, and accept yourself.

You will learn how to own your feelings, understand that you matter, and reach a place where you adopt 12 steps into your own personal understanding. The avoidance that you practice for the next 6 years will wash over you in a wave, and you will realize that God brought you right to the place where He can meet you face to face.

You will learn to change the things you can, know the things you can not change, and you will understand that you have been given amazing wisdom. You will learn so much and soak information up like a sponge.

I promise you that your faith will be tested, and you will grow in your understanding of who God is and why it all matters so much to you. You will learn how to take care of you, so that you can reach out and help others.

germs, couch day, moving along

2011-11-14T09:39:00.000-05:00

I managed to avoid most of the germs that I have been in contact with since July. Friday I started feeling not quite right...

Friday night was fabulous at the restaurant. It was so smooth, so fantastic!!! I was there until a little after 10 because we were that busy. I arrived home, had time to myself since Mr. Clean was already asleep. It was wonderful.

Saturday morning I woke up and I had the sinus crud. I still wanted to take Jack for a walk, so we left and parked and I had figured out 3 miles. Somehow a dog had gotten loose and we were not far into our excursion when we met up with this pooch. Now the loose dog was very friendly, Jack Banner wants to eat any dog that he sees... I had to pick him up. Because this dog had no owners anywhere around he followed us. He took off I put JB down to try and continue our walk, he came back wanting to play, so I had to pick Jack up again. In the process I dropped my car keys. I walk a little further and realize that 17lbs is too much to carry when I already don't feel good and it was at that point I realized I dropped my keys.

I turned around and started looking for my keys. Fortunately a very nice couple had picked up my keys and returned them to me. I walked Jack a little further, the loose dog had apparently found his owners, or someone had put them in their fence until his owners could be found. Jack got a walk in, just not the walk I planned.

We returned home and I spent the rest of the day being super lazy. I did rally long enough for us to go to church. The message series for the past few weeks has been on social issues of the day. It's interesting and while I don't always agree I do appreciate that the topics are being talked about.

I give Mr. Clean a lot of credit he took super good care of me this past weekend. Sunday I did nothing but lay on the couch and watch movies. I started off with Facing the Giants, then Life or Something Like It, Something Borrowed, The Holiday, Bride Wars, Horrible Bosses (which the last one I didn't watch it was just on, it was awful). Mr. Clean made me soup and made sure I stayed hydrated. I was thankful that I was able to just rest and try to prepare for the work week. I found someone to pick up my Monday night restaurant shift. I know that as it gets closer to nighttime this crud gets worse.

I consulted Dr. Google, and made sure that I gargled with salt water, took ibuprofen, and also mucinex, all of which definitely helped, then last night I used a breathe right strip which I know helped with my sinuses. I know that I can expect this ick to stay with me, but I also know that I'm doing everything I can to move it along as quickly as possible. I'm hoping that I'll be ok for the Turkey Trot 8K. I know as long as I run again before the race I should be fine.

It's already Monday again, and Thanksgiving is now less then 2 weeks away, wow!!!

Sanctus Real - Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)

2011-11-13T08:33:00.000-05:00

Thank You

2011-11-11T12:27:00.001-05:00

On this Veteran's Day I would like to thank all of those who serve, have served, and the families and loved ones who are in their lives.

I can never express how thankful I am for your service.

Thank you.

Friendship

2011-11-11T07:49:00.000-05:00

I got a call last night from my Margs (MFT). Margs and I met when we were 8 years old, we played with my Barbies at the University Hilton. We were attending the Children of the American Revolution NC state conference.

The next year we hung out at the NCCAR state conference at the Embassy Suites in Raleigh, NC. There was a snowstorm that literally shut down the city. We clicked, that was all there was to it.

The following year the state conference was held in Statesville, NC. My mom took us to the mall. Margs bought a bunch of pink makeup and a 3 musketeers bar.

It was after this conference that she and I became pen pals. We would write to each other, send stickers, kept in touch. She was tiny and petite and smart and sophisticated, at least in my eyes. She was the youngest of 3 and I was the oldest with just a younger brother.

Margs and I lived about 2 hours apart, she was in Winston Salem and I was in Charlotte. I counted down the times for the next State CAR events so I could see my friend. When I was in the 8th grade I ran for my first state office. Margs was already on State Board as an officer. Her brother and sister both served a term as NC State president but Margs went on to run for National Board and that allowed me the opportunity to serve as NC State President.

Margs family had a house in Hampstead, not far from Topsail Island where my family always stayed. So a tradition started that she would come stay with my family at the beach for a few days, my family adored Margs, and she loves them.

I ran for national office but lost to a guy from Florida. Margs also ran, and I think she won again but now I can't remember. CAR was never as much her thing as it was mine. I'm most grateful for the fact that it gave me a lifelong friend. I was ecstatic when she made the announcement that she was going to be attending App, even more excited when I discovered we would live in the same dorm building, White Hall.

Margs original intent was to major in Hospitality management. She had spent so much time in hotels, her mom served as the National Senior President for CAR. So because of this Margs knows her way around a hotel. I don't think she actually kept this major, if I'm not mistaken she ended up with more of a general business degree, but I might be wrong.

She attended my graduation from App on Saturday, including the dinner with my family. Then my family attended her graduation from App on Sunday (mother's day 2001) including the breakfast we had at her apartment. I will never forget that she ran out of time to go to the ladies room and while up to that day her fear had been tripping as she walked across the stage when the time came all she could think about was the fact that she needed to get to the ladies room.

After graduation she moved back to Winston and I moved back to Charlotte. She met Alex Sophomore year and they dated for the next several years. He moved back to Knoxville, TN and she eventually moved there as well. April 24, 2004 Margs and Alex got married in Winston Salem. They continued to live in Knoxville until Alex landed the job with the company he now works for. The first opportunity with this company took them to West Bend Wisconsin in 2006.

The August 2008 day that I received the phone call that the were moving to Greenville, SC made me shout with absolute joy. One of my favorite Margs quotes ever, and my child will be born in the South!!!! Margs is a Southern girl through and through. They moved to Simpsonville (right outside of Greenville) in September 2008. My nephew was born that November on the 5th.

My Margs has been in my life now for 24 years. Last January she and I were talking and I knew that another promotion and move would be coming for them at some point in the near future. Yesterday afternoon I got the call, they are moving to Vancouver, Canada. My heart dropped, and I cried. Then I pulled it together. This is an amazing opportunity for my friends. I love them both, and I think it's absolutely wonderful that Alex has found such a great career that he is passionate about and loves.

It makes me no less sad that my Margs will no longer be less then 2 hours away from me. I did my best to make the time to make sure that I got down there as often as possible. I know that I will see her, and I know that this is not forever.

Fortunately for me we have phones, email, facebook, and air travel. I know that while I will miss my friend I am also extremely happy for them that they have this opportunity.

So today I'm a little sad, not for my friend, but for me. Girlfriends are absolutely one of the greatest gifts that God gives us!!!

I'm so glad...

2011-11-10T11:03:00.001-05:00

I'm so glad that I opted to hire a property management company, best decision I could have made for me! She made the comment that the tenant is a very strong personality and she does her best to shield me from that. This is the exact reason why I hired her.

I'm so glad that I went through laser hair removal, it was worth every last penny!!! I think of this every day!!

I'm so glad that I found Tuesday night meetings! This has been life changing, and I'm so unbelievably thankful!

I'm so glad that I dated CF&G, what I learned has been invaluable to me now! Had I not had that experience I would not understand how good I have it now. I also would not know how to let go of things and realize when and when not to speak up.

I'm so glad that I have 2 Walmarts and 3 Targets within a 15 minute drive time of work. This is just all kinds of awesome to me!!!

I'm so glad that Harris Teeter has 24 hour stores. I realized that I needed water, and most stores don't open before 7, I need this store!!!

I'm so glad that Thanksgiving is in 2 weeks. We have yet to figure out the family thing, and I'm kind of dreading that but I do love this day and I'm super excited for the turkey trot, that will at least start the morning off right!!!

I'm so glad that my clothes still fit! I'm wearing a dress I purchased last year for Christmas. Not everything fits the way I want it too but for the most part I'm staying within the range of where I want to be. This is a big deal for me because I'm guilty of getting comfortable in relationships, which basically equals getting lazy. I want to be healthy, for me.

I'm so glad that Christmas is coming!!! We've been looking at Christmas presents for our families, this is super fun. What makes it better is that the other night Mr. Clean told me he's always really hated Christmas (the commercialism of it) and never done presents until the last minute. This year he's all excited about it and he attributes that to God (which I've been praying for a heart change so yay) and having me in his life. The whole budget thing, meh, but the presents, YAY!!!!! I know the budget thing is good for me.

Thankful Thursday

2011-11-10T08:15:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for the fantastic little get away I had last weekend!!!

I'm thankful for radio stations that play music that reminds me of love, grace and mercy!

I'm thankful for the approaching holidays and busier nights at the restaurant!

I'm thankful that even though it's November we're still seeing 70 degree temperatures!

I'm thankful for friendships, and listening ears and eyes!

I'm thankful that I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be!

I'm thankful for sweet notes left on the refrigerator!

I'm thankful for puppy dogs who make me laugh!

I'm thankful that I have parents who spoil the puppy dog ridiculously!

I'm thankful that my car has new struts and fingers crossed I won't have to do anything else to this car for a while.

I'm thankful that I have tenants in my place!

I'm thankful that the trainer has already given me tips and tricks to implement with Jack and they are helping!

I'm thankful that despite the crazy pace of life I am still able to have the occasional downtime.

I'm thankful that I'm not required to be perfect, that is just too much pressure!

I'm thankful my turkey trot 8K is just two weeks away and I have 2 friends running with me!!

I'm thankful that I am blessed!!!

Happy Thursday!!!

notes

2011-11-10T08:05:00.000-05:00

I worked last night, we were busy, it was fabulous!!!!

One of the very nice things my husband usually does for me is dinner. I've explained that this is not necessary, and that I don't expect it. He says he has to eat anyways. So whether I choose to save the food for lunch, or I'm starving and I go ahead and eat, there is food waiting for me when I get home from the restaurant.

Last night was simple, biscuits and ham, tasty!!! I noticed on the magnetic notepad that I had a sweet note.

I think the fact that this note was left on my super cheesy girly shopping girl notepad makes it that much sweeter!

DST, Time Management, Lunch, Final Answer

2011-11-09T14:52:00.000-05:00

I took Monday night off from the restaurant in order to spend some quality time with Mr. Clean. I tried to squeeze in a walk with Jack before dark, I don't like the time change, at all. I got home, changed clothes, loaded Jack in the car, we started our walk at 5:19 and at 5:30 I turned us around. I did not feel safe, and by the time we got back to the car it was pretty much dark.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get exercise in for Jack since it gets dark so early, DISLIKE!!!

Last night I got home and changed clothes and popped in a workout DVD. I had a meeting at 8 and I needed to fit in a workout, time with Mr. Clean and Jack and a shower all before I had to leave. Jack could not figure out why I was jumping and flailing and kept barking at me. Fortunately my husband was running errands and missed the sight I was while trying to follow along to my workout. It was tough enough that I worked up a sweat. Not my ideal way to work out but it's a 20-30 minute round trip to the gym and I didn't feel like that gave me enough time to go get a run in, get back, and get everything done!

My meeting last night, it was awesome.

Today I met an old coworker/friend for lunch. She and I worked together from 2003-2006, she's fabulous. We haven't seen each other since around March 2008, so we had a lot of catching up to do!'' I had a salad that was amazing!!!

I've started trying to track my food on sparkpeople again. It's kind of a pain but also helps me understand just how much I'm eating. Usually I'm hitting my calorie limit before 2pm, working on this. I have managed to renew my resolve regarding staying away from the work candy bucket, yesterday I only had smarties, today I only had 2 mini chocolate bars. Progress, baby steps, I'll take it.

Tomorrow night I will get a run in. I have to, my Turkey Trot 8K is only 2 weeks from tomorrow. As long as I'm consistently running I'll be just fine. I ran 3 miles this past Saturday morning. I did my DVD last night. I'll run Thursday night. I know I'll do my best to fit in a run and a walk on Saturday and Sunday mornings. As much as I work you would think that would help burn the calories, but not so much. I'm still avoiding the scale. I hate the way I feel to see those numbers, and my clothes, for the most part, fit.

My property management company who I pay the HOA dues to now knows I'm renting my place out. The tenant contacted the property management representative, so hopefully this doesn't bite me later. I can't afford to bleed anymore money for that place, it's ridiculous how much I'm paying. I get it, and I signed the papers the day I bought the place, it makes the whole thing no less painful.

My tenant apparently doesn't believe that no is the final answer, this has been going on for weeks. I get that you want a satellite, I also get that this could be the reason that they move out, I also know that they are locked into a lease so they are there for a few more months regardless of the answer for the satellite.

I don't have cable, or satellite, so really I can't understand this burning desire. To each their own.

Back to work, happy Wednesday!!!

Timing and understanding

2011-11-08T11:49:00.002-05:00

I've made the statement a few times now in posts that I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

This post has been formulating in my head for a while now.

I have spent a lot of time writing about my life. I have documented the work aspect, the family aspect and the dating aspect, especially the dating aspect. I asked what was I doing wrong, what was I missing, what did I need to do differently? And on it went. Sometimes I would have moments of clarity but for the most part I just moved on with life and on to the next one, easily bored, or annoyed and with the click of my keys and the send button the break up was done and I was free again.

I watched a movie last night with Mr. Clean, Beauty and the Briefcase, and it was every bit as cheesy and dumb as it sounds. However, there was a very clear point that despite the happily ever after, fairytailish ending, I did hear loud and clear. The character had this checklist and no guy could live up to her "magic man" she had unrealistic expectations and once she let go of those expectations she was able to find the guy who met none of her checklist points but was just perfect for her, I know, *gag* and yet true at the same time.

Life is a journey; we're all experiencing our own hills, valleys, moments of drowning in the rainstorms, and struggling through the dry times when it feels we will never know what it is like to not be thirsty for whatever it is we are thirsting for at that point in our journey.

I have talked about how I can only change me. While I've spent a lot of time reflecting, analyzing, and writing over the past few years, I have certain areas where I really refused to give them up, especially, dating. I prayed my way through 2 1/2 years of a nightmare job. Yet on the other side of that experience I am now unbelievably thankful for what I do have. It took me understanding how horrific a job can be in order to appreciate the fact that no job is ideal but some are definitely better then others. When I look at that chapter of my life I know that God provided in so many ways, including the opportunity for me to leave and step into this new position.

At the beginning of this year I was dating Joe, nice enough. I was embarrassed by him, he was very rough around the edges. Fortunately for me I had come far enough along in what I have learned from dating that I knew I had to break up with him. I can be a Pollyanna when it comes to guys but I had already come a long way in knowing what works and what does not work.

A few weeks later I met Mr. Clean. We had good conversations, deep conversations; I knew that this really might be something. When he asked me to marry him, of course I agreed. I knew that based on conversations we had that this was the right decision for me to make. I still believe in the choice that I made, I love my husband. I believe that God had a plan to bring us together.

I insisted on premarital counseling, I read books about what to know for when you first get married to make the transition as smooth as possible. I willingly sold a whole bunch of stuff in a yard sale and donated a whole lot more after that.

I wrote about how things were not very easy early on. In fact for the first 7 weeks they were downright awful. To this day I believe that I know the reasons why, there was more then 1 contributing factor. Then I had the moment where I realized that avoiding confrontation was not working, and while I typically don't like conflict I also refuse to allow someone to treat me in a manner that is rude or critical. So I determined that things were going to change one way or another. I set a 7 week mark for things to turn around, and they did.

I read and researched and prayed. Life was evening out, we were adjusting. Then the Sunday situation that happened with Jack, I'm thankful for my parents who took such good care of the boy. I'm thankful that my husband finally listened to me, and I'm thankful that I found a trainer who I think will be fantastic!! The trainer was supposed to come this Sunday but due to a blown knee had to push the appointment back. Fortunately implementing advice she has already provided has proven beneficial in working with Jack!!!

I'm working on me, my reactions, my thoughts. I'm a work in progress. I spent a lot of years dating, trying to find my magic man, when really there is no such thing. I heard a song on my drive Friday morning, Sanctus Real "Whatever You're Doing" came on the radio, here are the lyrics

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

(Chorus)

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

This so perfectly sums up what is going on with me right now. I will be honest, a lot of days I find myself frustrated and there are mornings when I'm driving to work that I cry. There are other days when I have so much hope and confidence and peace. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has me right where He wants me. He is working in ways that I can't yet see or understand. This place where I am at requires digging deeper, going well below the surface, believing in the purpose and plan that He has for me.

His timing, His ways, His understanding, He is the one in control. For so long I kept fighting for the right to control what was not mine to control and I truly believe that He has brought me to this place, and He will bring me through this and He knows what my future holds.

beautiful drive, pets, germs, here and now

2011-11-07T13:12:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I went to hang out with Jess, so much fun!!! So glad I was able to get away for a weekend. The drive on 81 through Virginia is beyond gorgeous!!!

Confetti the Guinea pig made me a Guinea pig convert. If I did not believe that Jack would try and eat it I would be maneuvering for a Guinea pig of my own.
I left early Sunday morning and drove directly to my parents to pick up Jack. I missed him, he missed me. He literally jumped into my arms when I let him out of his crate. We packed up his stuff and drove home.

Mr. Clean and Girl Clean were both sick, I made sure to change the sheets on the bed. I'm hoping that with working at the restaurant my immune system is strong enough to fight the germs.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. I would have loved to have taken Jack for a walk but I knew Girl Clean would want to join us and I knew that would not be a good idea.

I had a lot of time during my drive to think about where I am and what is going on in my life. I know that for now I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Some days I am more OK with that knowledge then others.

Usually I'm fine and optimistic then I have moments when I get discouraged, such is life. I have a plan, and I know that I can only change me.

Thankful Thursday

2011-11-03T15:06:00.001-04:00

I'm thankful for a very fun date night with my husband on Tuesday night.

I'm thankful that I get to visit Jess this weekend!!!

I'm thankful that I got to meet baby K, and spend some time with her mommy!

I'm thankful for my parents who are not only keeping Jack Banner this week but also let me use the van and took my car to get the struts replaced.

I'm thankful that I've been able to catch up at the full time job enough so that I'm not going to be worried since I have tomorrow off.

I'm thankful that Target put the stocking stuffer stuff in the $1 bins

I'm thankful that last night at the restaurant was busy!

I'm thankful that I was able to sleep in a little bit yesterday

I'm thankful that I have been able to be extra productive this week!

I'm thankful for the gorgeous weather!

I'm thankful that I know that I'm currently right where I am supposed to be!

concert, productivity, baby fix

2011-11-02T15:59:00.001-04:00

I'm typing fast as I so have too much work to do to be writing.

Last night I met Mr. Clean and we left my car to drive his car over to the Fillmore which is in the Music Factory, which is ridiculously hard to find. The name of the street that mapquest provided no longer exists. If you are going to anything at the Music Factory, basically take 277 to the Graham St exit and then follow the signs, which you have to look for.

Fortunately I looked online yesterday to pull directions and information about the venue. I had read that it was a part of the music factory. I'm so glad that I have an exceptionally decent sense of direction because my husband does not, at all!!!! I did an excellent job of keeping my calm as we navigated out way, because I was able to stay calm he listened to my suggestions and we found where we were going way faster then if I had pulled an attitude and acted ugly. I was super annoyed because we didn't know where we were going, it was 5 o'clock rush hour traffic, and I do not drive uptown, it's way too confusing and stressful.

That said we arrived at Fillmore just as the doors were opening for the VIP tickets. We got inside and found a spot. I was a little concerned about where we were staking our area because it was standing only and I knew that it would become very crowded. I do not do well with crowds pressing in around me.

John Michael McMillan was the first to come on stage, he did a great job! Chris August came on for a few songs, he was wonderful, and super funny. Gunger came on stage next, they will be back in the Spring for a concert and as long as they don't play at a standing only location we will definitely be there. Once they finished their set Chris August came back on. Then David Crowder Band took the stage. There was a bit of a break in between Chris's last set and the DCB. During that time people started pressing in, and I started feeling the heaviness in my chest and the nausea. They had just started and I told Mr. Clean I had to move, and I moved to a less crowded spot back by one of the bars. Because of the panic attack I lost my voice.

DCB did a wonderful job!!! We agreed that while we enjoyed the night and all the performers immensely that will be our last standing only concert.

I knew we would not get in from the concert until late so I planned to arrive at work at 12 today. When I woke up this morning I was able to put a load of laundry in, get gas, go to the gym, came home put the laundry in the dryer, showered, drove to the store where I returned my red box movie (that I meant to take back on Sunday, oops!!!) and picked up dinner for my friend CCH. She and I ran several races together last year including the Charlotte 1/2. She had her little girl last week. I texted and asked if this morning would be a good time to meet little miss K.

I knew that K has plenty of clothes and baby accessories so I decided I would pick up dinner for her mommy and daddy. I got a pork loin, frozen dinner rolls, steamer bag veggies, frozen potato wedges and chocolate chip cookie dough. I couldn't show up empty handed, that just won't do when there is a new baby to celebrate!!!

Miss K is gorgeous!!!! Her mommy and daddy are gorgeous so it's no wonder she is. I got to hold her and talk to my friend and the 30 minutes was up way too soon for me but was probably just the right amount of time for me to stay for my friend.

Then I came to work. I work tonight at the restaurant. I have been thinking about Miss K all afternoon!!! She is just so precious!!! It's a very good thing I get another baby fix this weekend!!! The best part, I hand them back!!!

Food and working out

2011-11-01T15:05:00.000-04:00

I was doing so good keeping my hand out of the candy bucket and candy dish. I have started backsliding.

I think I have the "reward" mentality, I've been doing so good so I "need" this piece of chocolate!!! Except this does not help me.

I refuse to step on the scale again. I know that I need to watch what I eat. I know that I need to excercise. I would like to be healthy. So where I'm currently at, I'll be ok with. As long as I'm running, working out and eating right.

I can accept where I am right now because my clothes fit me (most of them). I can accept where I am because you can see the muscle definition in my arms. I'm a little taller then 5'8 but not 5'9 so I know that I'm never ever going to weigh 100 lbs.

I am joining WW online, after the holidays. I have asked for this for my Christmas present. I would like to learn how to portion my food, how to be healthy. I need to break away from the mentality of using food as a way to celebrate, drown my sorrows, or comfort me. I also have to remember that I work out because it helps me keep things in perspective and it helps me feel better.

To be perfectly honest it's hard because this is something I have to do for me, because I want to take care of me. Mr. Clean is always telling me he loves me just the way I am. He thinks that I'm beautiful. So for me that translates into, oh yeah I can have that 5th piece of candy because I'm happy and I want it and I don't have to worry about it. Or he has made me so mad and I'm aggravated and I don't care and I just want chocolate. Yeah it goes both ways for me.

I have made a conscious effort to start bringing the Healthy Choice lunch bowls to work for lunch. I am trying to bring healthy options so that it is easier for me to avoid the candy bucket because I have nothing to eat.

This week is traditionally a week where I crave all things sugar. I have 2 of them out of a month. There are usually only 4 weeks in a month. This means that I can learn how to override these sugar cravings or I can keep on indulging and get mad at myself because nothing fits.

This week is especially difficult because it is such a crazy busy full week. Tonight would normally be a running night and instead I'm going to a concert. Fortunately I have some extra time in the morning and I plan to get a gym workout in. Thursday I think I can squeeze in a run. Saturday morning I'm thinking I might be able to squeeze in a run, if I wake up early enough.

I'm learning, it's a process, I'm writing, because if I write about it, I have to deal with it, and be accountable for it.

slow night, costume, concert, those oops moments

2011-11-01T13:28:00.000-04:00

Halloween evening is traditionally excruciatingly slow for restaurants in the area where I work. Last night was no exception. I was actually surprised that we had as many guests as we did. My manager let me leave at 8:30. I had originally requested off but then I realized that I was going to be off this coming Friday and I needed the hours so I put myself back on the schedule.

I received a text from Mr. Clean that when he put the shoes on Girl Clean she said "my wedding shoes". I had purchased gold sparkly ballet flats for her to go with her flower girl dress. The silver sparkly ballet flats for this outfit were on sale at Target for $10. I really had hoped to find a pair of purple sequined boots but those were only in the big girl sizes. They have a pair of boots right now that have flowers on them and they are so super cute and I'm resisting going back to purchase those. She seriously does have plenty right now and I know this. It's just so much fun to dress her up right now because pretty soon she's going to have an opinion about everything!!!

This is our purple fairy. Her mommy has a face painting business and painted her face to go with the costume. Her Dad purchased the wings, tutu and wand, the rest of the outfit is what I found. She only stayed out briefly since it was cold and she has been sick. I think that she had a fun night with her Dad and they ended the night at McDonalds for a Happy Meal.

I am excited for tonight. Back in July Mr. Clean and I purchased tickets for a concert. I'm going to be hauling it to get from my office over to where I'm meeting Mr. Clean and then going on the concert but it will be worth it!!!

I'm driving my parents van, I switched out cars with them because my sweet Dad is taking my car over to have the Struts replaced. I think it's the struts, whatever it was that the dealership told me I needed to replace and it was going to be a lot of money. My Dad goes to this place where he is actually taking my car and I'm saving $200 so it's still a lot of money but not as much money! Driving a 1997 Ford Aerostar van around town is WAY different then driving a 2007 Mazda 3!!!

Jack Banner is once again being spoiled at the Grandparents. When I switched out cars Sunday I also dropped Jack off. I had to work last night and Mr. Clean was taking Girl Clean out. Tonight we have the concert. Wednesday night I work. Thursday night I have a thing at church. Friday morning I leave for my trip. So in order to insure that JB receives plenty of love and attention my parents had agreed to have him stay with them several weeks ago, before the unplanned stay for a week, 2 weeks ago. He loves them and they love him so it works well. I do have to admit I was slightly horrified to come back in on Sunday and find my mom and dog "singing" together, while slightly amused I asked that they not practice this because I don't need encores at my house.

Having dropped off Jack and switched out vehicles I was on my way home and stopped at the grocery store. I was at the check out and went to retrieve my wallet and it wasn't there. It was in the glove box of my car because right before I took Jack to my parents we had gone for a run. The store was very nice and put my groceries in a cooler for me. I met my Dad to get my wallet. Drove back to the store, paid for my groceries and finally made my way home. This is not the first time I've done this but this is the farthest I've had to go in order to get my wallet because I've forgotten it.

I hope that everyone is having a fabulous day!!!

Avoiding perfection

2011-11-01T10:27:00.000-04:00

I will never forget a conversation I had with my underwriter here at work. I was dating S and she said that I needed to let go of my idea of perfect as I was talking to her about him and a concern that I had and dating in general.

I had a different kind of conversation with Jess about letting go of perfect. It was a conversation, or maybe a blog post about how you can't physically do it all. Sometimes some days there are just things that must go on the back burner because something else takes priority. This particular discussion was on the misconception that a woman can maitain a perfect house, work a full time job, and be a perfect wife/mother/friend, everything.

Yesterday I had a conversation with my mom and while she knows I'm not perfect I think that sometimes (because she is my mom) she lives in denial about the true me. Or maybe I've just done such a good job of editing and voiding out information that when I'm really honest about my past it freaks her out a little bit.

We've had conversations where I have been very honest but for the most part I instituted a don't ask if you don't want to know policy for years. If you ask me I am going to tell you the truth but be prepared that the truth is something you don't want to hear.

In pre-marital counseling I pointed out that sometimes I wondered if Mr. Clean realized that I'm human. I had a concern that he saw me as someone who never did anything wrong, theoretically. I'm sure that part of him knew that I was human and made mistakes but there was another part that thought that I could do no wrong.

I ran into this with more than one guy that I dated. They saw me for who they wanted to see me, and I tried to fit them into a mold that I wanted them to be. This is a recipe for disaster...

I learned a lesson this summer that could have only happened if I was in the exact place where I am. I learned that I have to truly let go of trying to be perfect. I'm not. I'm not sure when why or how I got so lost in trying to be what everyone expected that I missed the fact that I was becoming the woman I am now.

I went to college, because that was expected. My Grandaddy started talking to me about college when I was 13. I thought he was crazy, I was only 13 why are we talking about this now? Except those 5 years between 13 and 18 went by oh so quickly!!!! I am and will forever be thankful for my college experience.

I did not just learn how to study, learn how to interact with people outside the frame of reference I have always known; I was able to make mistakes, some bigger then others. I was allowed the freedom to spread my wings and venture out.

I moved home and the plans that I had for my future quickly fell apart. So instead I found myself working more than 1 job and learning along the way. I moved out and moved back. I dated, and dated, and dated. I bought a condo, which gave me the freedom of knowing I had my own space.

Growing up in the South there is a perception that if you are not married then you are lacking. Maybe this is broader reaching then just in the South but for me I definitely picked up on the fact that I was thought to be missing something because I was _ insert age here_ and not yet married. I was 23 and my Grandaddy called me an old maid. I let that one roll just because you would have had to have known my Grandaddy to know some of his statement had to be taken with a grain of salt.

Even though I had my condo I was searching for that relationship that was going to be what I needed it to be. Instead of reflecting on what do I need to be. I learned along the way on the job front. I took a job that was ridiculously fraught with stress and drama. I actually stayed 2 1/2 years, and was thankful for my employment. I still say thank you every day to God for this job that allowed me to leave that other job. Until that job I had always complained about what I was doing. After that experience I realized that I don't ever want to forget how bad it was and how blessed I am!!!

Because I lived in the condo it allowed me to have a healthy distance from my parents. I could call if I needed something, they were always right there, but I could also live my life. So the don't ask if you don't want the answer policy was very effective. Except it also kept me from really having to stand up to my mom. It was so much easier to just skirt around whatever I didn't agree with rather then really stating mom I just don't agree with you and here is why. I started to learn how to do this a little but when push came to shove, especially regarding my wedding I pretty much let her do whatever she wanted.

Hind sight is 20 20. If I would have done "this" then perhaps "this" would have resulted differently. However, I also know myself and I know that I am right where I'm supposed to be. Learning how to effectively communicate with my Mom, and stand up to her when necessary, while at the same time learning how to effectively communicate with my husband, keeps my life interesting for sure.

Avoidance and passive aggressiveness is for a coward and I am not that. I am too smart and I have too much intelligence to continue to take the easy way. I am certainly not perfect, I don't want to be. I don't need to be. I need to be the woman that I am being called to be, and I'm learning as the days go by, what it means to actively participate in my life rather then avoid the difficult stuff because I don't want to have to deal with it. Being a grown up, means dealing with it and most importantly dealing with me.

Mandisa: Stronger - Official Lyric Video

2011-10-29T08:52:00.001-04:00

I mentioned that this song has been one of my "theme" songs for months now. I heard an interview with Mandisa and she talked about how the night before she went in to record this song she was really struggling with the fact that she had been working to lose weight and was feeling so discouraged. She recorded this song and the day that it was released (or something along these lines) was the day she hit the 100 pounds loss mark. For me this song has reminded me that God is right there, all the time.

What Faith Can Do - Kutless

2011-10-29T08:50:00.000-04:00

unexpected presents and changes in plans

2011-10-29T08:35:00.000-04:00

Yesterday at work was mostly productive despite the trouble I was having with my focus. Last night at the restaurant we were busy, but never went on a table wait. It started raining around 8 and it was cold!!!! We were enjoying upper 70's temps on Wednesday night this morning it's 30 degrees, such is life in Charlotte in October. I love NC!!!

I got home last night and waiting for me on the bathroom counter top was a purple pearl necklace, GORGEOUS!!!! A set of candles that smell amazing!!!!! A card that was so incredibly sweet I was speechless. It was so thoughtful and wonderful and I was truly blessed by it!!!

I was supposed to pick up Girl Clean this morning but her mom texted me to say that she had been up since 4 crying and coughing. I texted back to let me know if there is anything I can bring over. It's not our official visit weekend, that's next weekend, so while I was prepared to make it a couch Saturday and take care of the Girl I'm also not going to argue with her mom that it's in her best interest to stay where she is. When you're 2 1/2 and sick I would imagine all you want is your mommy, no matter how much you love everyone else.

I went to upload wedding pics to FB only to realize I have no idea where the CD of wedding pictures is. I uploaded 3 that I had and called it a day.

I moved the trainer visit to 2 weeks to tomorrow. It's in Jack's best interest that we are able to follow up on all the stuff we will learn.

As I type I'm contemplating the idea of trying to make sunny side up eggs or whatever it is that you call eggs where you break the yolk. I'm thinking I will just run over to the diner that is 2 seconds away and order breakfast for Mr. Clean instead, in my book that totally counts!!! He's still sleeping anyways.

Happy Saturday to all!!!

Thought Form

2011-10-28T08:21:00.000-04:00

This week has been a week of varying emotions. Part of this is the contributing factor of where this week falls in this month. Yet this month hasn't been as bad as previous months. I did a post earlier this week in which I did some reflecting on who I am, where I've been, and how I underestimate my own strength sometimes.

I mentioned a book I was reading and I've been encouraged to find that many suggestions I've already followed. I realized that my prayers for wisdom gave me an understanding that has shown me, with the research I've been conducting, that I have already been implementing so many positive actions. I certainly am no expert, I certainly have only just started on this journey. I'm thankful that I have so much information available.

Yesterday driving to work I was frustrated, aggravated, upset, angry, and so ready to throw up my hands. I had every right to have these feelings. I had information from a conversation the previous evening that did not go over well with me. I prayed, and prayed and cried and stated my exact feelings. The song that came on the radio was Kutlass "What Faith Can Do". This has long been one of my favorite songs, because I know that it's so true. The next song was Mandisa's "Stronger" which has been my song for the summer, and remains one of my current "theme" songs. Instead of stuffing my feelings and opinions down I addressed them, and the person who upset me. We reached an agreement, which I was pleased with.

This week I have directly addressed situations that I did not agree with, discussed them, and reached tenative agreements regarding what the next actions will be. I found a trainer for Jack, and I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to work with her. I rescheduled Sunday's session because I realized Jack will be at my parents from Sunday to Sunday so spending all day in training only to take him to the Grandparents for a week would not be beneficial to Jack. The session has been bumped out and I look forward to this!
I am learning, I am a work in progress, I am blessed, I desire to be a blessing to others!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Via

Thankful Thursday

2011-10-27T12:56:00.000-04:00

I'm thankful for a steady Monday and Wednesday night at the restaurant, it was awesome!!!

I'm thankful for the absolutely gorgeous weather!!!

I'm thankful that I found a trainer for Jack.

I'm thankful that I get to get out of town next weekend!!!!!

I'm thankful that God hears our cries and reminds us that He is God

I'm thankful for wonderful families who love and support us

I'm thankful for a husband who cooks amazing meals and does his best to be a good husband

I'm thankful for recognizing my own strength and remembering that I never have been and never will be one to look for confrontation but when faced with it I will stand my ground.

I'm thankful for having my puppy home, he's my little sunshine

I'm thankful that we have a girly girl who loves tutu's and Barbies

I'm thankful we have an amazing church!!!

I'm thankful that I was able to dispute a QC(work thing) error and have the error removed.

I'm thankful for friendship and the love and support that I receive and try and remember to give back

I'm thankful that my friend who I ran the Charlotte 1/2 with last year had her beautiful beautiful baby girl I got the text at 4AM

I'm thankful for texting which allows me to find out this kind of information so soon

I'm thankful to know we have been redeemed and the battle is already won!!!

Crosswalk Girlfriends

2011-10-26T08:25:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted a devotional in a while but this one today was so completely on the mark that I just had to share.

October 25, 2011

The Power of One Broken Seed
Mary Southerland

Today’s Truth
The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit. A broken and repentant heart, O God, you will not despise (Psalm 51:17, NLT).

Friend to Friend
I am famous for my “brown thumb.” Even though we have moved several times over the years, changing climates, states, neighborhoods and soil conditions, nothing has altered the fact that if I touch any living plant, its chances for survival are slim. My husband has fared no better in his numerous attempts to plant trees and flowers. I fear that the “brown thumb” disease is contagious. There is more. I see undeniable evidence that this gardening malady is hereditary. My son, bless his heart, has tried to rescue wilted flower after crispy plant from his mother’s clutches. But there is hope! My daughter, Danna, is not only able to keep living plants alive for an impressive amount of time, she can plant seeds and green things will actually grow! It is absolutely amazing to me!

When Danna was in kindergarten she had a very creative science teacher, Miss Kay, who constantly planned fun activities and projects for the children. Danna loved her and was always talking about what she learned in science class. One day, as I waited for Danna in the carpool line, I spotted her standing by Miss Kay, grinning from ear to ear, jumping up and down as if she simply could not wait for me to get there. I pulled up, Danna hopped into the car, gave a huge sigh of satisfaction and stretched out her tiny hand, proudly displaying the reason for her enthusiasm - a wadded up paper towel.

Now I am normally very good at being excited about the things my kids find important, but for the life of me, I could not fathom why Danna would be so thrilled with a crumpled paper towel. “Honey, what is that?” I asked. She looked up at me with sparkling brown eyes and whispered, “Mom, there are seeds in here. Miss Kay gave them to me and I am going to plant them and they are going to grow. Can you believe it?”

Given my morbid experience with seeds, I declined to answer that question but instead, chose to join my daughter in her excitement – until I saw the seeds. Evidently, Danna had been carrying them around all day because when she carefully unfolded the paper towel, all I could see was a big mess of broken, mismatched, crushed and crumbled seeds. Looking into the eager eyes of my daughter I said, “Honey, if these seeds don’t grow for some reason, remember that we can go to the store and buy some new ones.” Clutching the seeds tightly to her heart and safely out of my reach, Danna said, “Mama, they have to grow ‘cause I prayed and asked God to please make them grow and He said He would!” I began planning a trip to the gardening center.

Danna was silent all the way home but when we pulled into our driveway she jumped out of the car and darted into the house, leaving her doubting mother behind. Moments later Danna reappeared with a small paper cup in her hand. I watched as she scooped up dirt from the front flower bed and marched confidently back into the house. I followed her, moaning my silent complaint, “Father, do you realize that your reputation is on the line here? Why did she have to pick that particular flower bed, the one we filled with decorative rocks because nothing, not even weeds, would grow there?” Once again I tried to reason with Danna. “Honey, why don’t we just buy some new seeds?” Ignoring my obvious lack of faith, Danna stuffed the broken seeds down into the cup, marched to the kitchen sink and, placing the cup under the faucet, turned the water on full blast. Just as fast as the seeds and dirt spilled over the edge of the cup into the sink, Danna scooped them up and poked them back in, all the way to the bottom of the cup so they could not escape.

“Miss Kay says that they have to have sunshine to grow.” With this announcement, Danna placed her soggy cup of broken, mismatched seeds on the kitchen window sill that looks out over our screened-in porch; a place purposely designed to receive no sunlight at all. By this time, I knew my words were falling on deaf ears and decided to let God handle this one on His own.

Several days later, I was standing at the kitchen sink preparing dinner, when I glanced out on the porch to see my daughter’s faith on spectacular display. A small paper cup filled with green sprouts confronted my doubting heart. I could not believe my eyes. Dropping the potatoes in the sink, I literally ran to Danna’s room shouting, “Danna! Danna! Your seeds are growing!” I found her calmly playing “Chutes and Ladders” with Danielle, her best friend. “Danna! Did you hear me? Your seeds are growing!” A brief glance and knowing smile from Danna said it all. “That is so neat, Mom. I knew they would.” She and Danielle resumed their game, leaving me to gaze in awe and wonder at the faith of my child who dared to believe in a broken dream.

I know that you are desperately clinging to the broken and mismatched remnants of your life, wondering how you can go on. Whispers of the enemy creep into your heart, soul and mind, taunting you with the lie that you are just too dirty and broken for God to love or use. It seems as if nothing and no one can change that reality, so you might as well give up, throwing your life away.

Nothing could be further from the truth, girlfriend. In fact, God is drawn to broken people, choosing the most broken to do His highest work. His light shines best through broken people. Never underestimate the power of one, tiny broken seed. Placed in the right hands, it will surely grow into an expression of His beauty for all to see.

Let’s Pray
Father, I come to You, broken and desperate for Your love and grace. Please heal the broken places in my life. I surrender my hurt and pain to You and ask You to transform it all into something beautiful that glorifies You. I choose to trust You – not my feelings or human understanding. I choose to walk by faith and not by sight.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn
If you really want God to change your life and teach you how to embrace your pain, you must be willing to make several choices:

I choose faith over doubt.
I choose to believe God’s Word over man’s wisdom or logic.
I choose to stand firm and trust God when the storms of life come.
I choose to count on God’s holiness and perfect plan for my life instead of my effort.

Trainer, Costume, and Presents

2011-10-26T08:19:00.000-04:00

I got home last night and Jack and I went for a 3 mile run. It was beyond gorgeous outside!! I had to really reign him in a few times for acting so aggressively. Once the run was complete we returned home where I quickly showered and Mr. Clean had dinner ready once I was out.

I had a meeting last night at 8 so my evening was a little bit hurried but not too bad. Mr. Clean agreed to bringing a trainer in to work with us to work with Jack. I had researched area trainers and I came across a trainer who specializes in aggressive dogs. I sent an email explaining all the details of the Sunday situation between Jack and Mr. Clean. This trainer had been out of town and so didn't respond to my email until a week later but it's definitely a case of perfect timing. She is available on Sunday to work with us at the house for the day. My mom agreed that my Christmas present budget could be put towards this cause so that I Jack Banner will be more happy, well adjusted, and overall more healthy.

A few points about this trainer, she runs a non profit where she rehabilitates German Shepherds to help locate missing animals. She spends a month in the summer at a wolf place up in the NC mountains. She has a full time gig for money and she does this because she loves dogs and believes that all dogs can be trained and live a disciplined life. I was very honest with her that I have made the error of treating Jack like my baby, which is why now I'm having to bring in someone to show not just Mr. Clean but me how to work with my puppy. I explained that I muzzle him when people first arrive, or in some cases I crate him. She told me that she expects him to bite her and that this will be how she can immediately start working with him. She has 100's of bite scars on her arms from working with dogs. I think this for me was the biggest selling point. She has only had 1 dog that had to be put down and that was because the dog had a treatable medical condition and the family just could not trust the dog. She's been doing this for years and years so that's another selling point for me.

I was immediately comfortable with her. I explained that Mr. Clean is not a dog person and the things that he has done that are positive like Jack's chair and taking Jack for a walk even when he had the stomach bug. So I have not sugar coated anything and she's aware of the details. I'm so thrilled to work with her. I'm not linking anything yet but after Sunday I'll provide a full report and information.

Yesterday I completed the rest of Girl Cleans costume. I told Mr. Clean that next year he needs to get the all inclusive costume bag for walmart rather then the tutu skirt and fairy wings set that he purchased. I'm pleased with the pieces that I found but this has been a ridiculously expensive fairy costume when you add together the 13.99 costume, the 14.99 crown, the $4 top and the $4 leggings. However, I know that she loves dress up so I look at this as more then a 1 time use thing. She can dress up with the tutu, wings, wand and crown and the little top and legging/skirt thing I got will be a super cute outfit for the rest of the long sleeve season.

I told Mr. Clean that I purchased his Christmas present a few weeks ago, this was a few weeks after I purchased it since I purchased this back in August (I think). So now it's bugging him that he doesn't know what it is. He can not for the life of him keep a present a secret for me. The only time he's been able to was the wine glasses he had hand painted for my wedding gift for our wedding. Everything else I receive right away or he tells me that it's coming. So now he's all about trying to figure out how to get me to tell him what it is. As hard as it is for me not to tell, I plan to keep my mouth shut until Christmas. It's a good think I already purchased that and it's out of the way since now the rest of my Christmas budget is going towards the trainer. Mr. Clean did say that we can't not get my family presents so I think that he's going to actually be the one to purchase at least a little something for my parents.

Life is moving along at our house. We have Girl Clean this weekend so I'm looking forward to that and I'm so looking forward to Sunday's session!!! Before the weekend is the rest of this week. Happy Wednesday!!!

She is

2011-10-25T12:50:00.000-04:00

In my life when I realize that I don't understand something I research. When I was dating CF&G I did a lot of research. The years following that breakup have had incidents that necessitated reading to learn rather then just for fun. This summer I realized I needed to once again start reading in order to learn. I mentioned yesterday that I had just finished this book and it was wonderful! I checked out this book from the library yesterday. I'm a little over half way through. I have to say that all the reviews are not hype, it's an excellent source of information.

I have had people greatly concerned for me and I appreciate the concern and love. I have a public blog meaning anyone can read. Because I find encouragement and hope and I've found friendship through this community I have no desire to privatize this blog. This also means that I don’t give all details, all information, and I am happy to answer questions or respond to comments when there is an email address attached to the commenter, or I happen to have the commenter's email.

I like to reflect, to think, to research. I had 2 of my closest friends last week tell me that while they understand decisions that I've made and they continue to support and encourage they have at times wanted to tell me what to do. Yet as they watch me grow and learn they understand even more why I am making choices and decisions that I am. Driving in to work this morning I was thinking about who I am, where I've been, what I have accomplished. For a very long time instead of standing my ground and facing issues regarding myself that I did not want to look at I found distractions, and ignored dealing with me.

Dating S was the first time I had really committed to trying to make a relationship work, so when we broke up I had to look at myself. I had to start questioning what changes do I need to make? My friend Dr. MG was the recipient of most of my emails as I worked through various personal break through moments. I also wrote, a lot in order to sort and process. I have often underestimated the amount of strength I have. I don't like dealing with complicated difficult things, and in all honesty who does? But when I am challenged this is when I am reminded of how big God is.

I hate confrontation, I hate having to deal with it so I usually will do everything possible to avoid it. Until I have to face it. I was on a beach trip many years ago now and the person I was with was an alcoholic, which I figured out after this trip. The first night we were there this individual turned really ugly on me and I started drinking to escape. The following day we woke up and went to the beach, we hung out, we left to go on a tour that I really wanted to do for the evening. This individual was just flat out ugly to me about the tour, about many things. I took it, and I took it, and then I had enough, and I stood up and I walked out and I got in a cab, and I went to the hotel and I got my stuff and a friend helped me connect with friends and met us half way and picked me up and brought me home.

When I reach my limit I stand up. I start actively pursuing solutions instead of implementing avoidance. I establish in my mind what is and is not acceptable and I do not waiver. I watched my Grandmommy with my Grandaddy for years. In the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding Tula's mother and father are discussing her going to school, her father is against it because good Greek girls get married and have babies. Tula believes it's hopeless. Her mother tells her that the man is the head of the family but the woman is the neck. I witnessed this first hand with my Grandmommy. I realized early into my marriage that I had married someone eerily similar to my Grandaddy. I'm blessed that I watched my Grandparents dance at their 50th wedding anniversary and I cried the day I watched my Grandmommy say good bye. I had the best example I could have ever had in those 2 very special wonderful people.

I am stronger, smarter, and much more stubborn then most who know me realize. I might dislike conflict and I might not initially do what others think I should, but it's my life, and my decisions, and my choices. I have come a long way from that insecure, unsure of herself 20 something who had so much to learn about life, love and the reality that she will always have to face her challenges directly, and with confidence, knowing that she is where the change begins.

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:10-12

Miscellaneous Monday

2011-10-24T16:15:00.000-04:00

I have discovered the joy that is kid shopping consignment stores. I went in to look for a few things to complete Girl Clean's fairy costume. I found the shirt, that was it. I also found a precious pink suede coat for 6.99 and another little top. SCORE!!!!

I also stopped at the library and the Walmart. I am all about a productive lunch hour!!! The way to get in and out of the library quickly. The online request feature. I find books that I want to read, look for them at the library, request them and I get the call a day or 2 later that my book is in. I just have to go to the hold section to pick it up and check it out.

Yesterday we went to lunch and then ran a few errands. I had a Kohls gift card and I purchased an outfit for Girl Clean. Mr. Clean asked why I didn't purchase anything for me. I told him that as of right now I don't need anything for me, and I don't. The outfit I got for her, too cute to resist!!!! Plus there is still leftover balance for me to get something for me. I have a limit as to how much I will spend on her clothes and I don't go over that limit. Now that I've found the 3 closest consignment stores to my office, bahhahahahahaaha lunch time just became even more fun!!!!

I told Mr. Clean today that for Christmas I want weight watchers online. I'm watching everyone else have success with it and I want to be healthy. So I've asked for this despite the fact that you're husband isn't supposed to buy you something like that for Christmas. For me, I have refused to step on the scale again. I have been trying to avoid the candy and sugar etc. Except for today, I might have had a cookie or 4, a piece of chocolate cake, and starbursts... I need to refind that willpower I had going.

I made cookies yesterday, chocolate chip/butterscotch chip cookies, they were gone by lunchtime at the office.

I finished reading the book Whole. It was wonderful and I am so glad that I read it! I now want to write and tell the author my whole life story, you just relate to her as she talks to you through her writing.

I'm off to the restaurant! Have a fabulous evening!!

transition, errands, training

2011-10-24T08:11:00.001-04:00

I have a swollen knuckle on the middle finger of my left hand. It hurts, ridiculously!!! I'm using other fingers to type to avoid the pain as much as possible. It started hurting last night and this morning it's really bad!!!

Saturday I was so excited and happy to see Mr. Clean and Girl Clean cheering me on. So relieved that when Jack Banner came home it was a very smooth transition back. This is not to say that I was not hyper aware of where Jack was at all times. Because of what happened, and because Girl Clean was there I made sure that I watched very carefully anytime they were near each other.

I tended to put Jack in his sleep crate and just place him by me when I needed to keep him contained because I couldn't watch him. Yesterday GC was trying to get to the potty and JB got underneath her feet and she tripped on him and he snapped at her, to which he swiftly got spanked and crated. I know that this is residual from what happened last Sunday but I also know that he has to understand that his reaction is not going to be tolerated by me.

I took Jack for a walk yesterday morning and when other dogs or people would walk by and he would start his barking and going crazy I would force him to sit and force him to look at me and tell him no. I've been doing this I just need to continue with it.

I got home from my walk and was relaxing checking email when Mr. Clean and Girl Clean walked in and Mr. Clean told me that we had been invited to lunch, in 2 hours. For most people this probably wouldn't have been a big deal, for me, well I wasn't showered, Girl Clean needed a bath and Mr. Clean was going to require a shower.

I took my shower, got Girl Clean in the tub, and then I got my makeup and hair rolled. I got her bathed and dressed and her hair blow dried and then I finished my hair. She makes me nervous when she is in the tub because she likes to lay down on her back. The only minor consolation I have is that she doesn't like to put her face in the water so her nose and mouth and eyes are always out of the water. I make sure that I check on her and stay by the bathroom while she is in the tub. Saturday I went to get her a towel and when I checked on her, she had been fighting sleep all afternoon and I found her asleep in the tub. It took a minute, and I'm pretty sure had water hit her eyes or nose she would have been up but regardless I pulled her out which caused a meltdown and then she wouldn't take a nap after that, of course.

I had her dressed in a super cute outfit. I took the rollers out of my hair and then discovered that she had been so engrossed playing with her Barbies that she had an accident on the couch. That meant an entire change of clothes, because even her shirt was wet.

We made it to lunch on time. The Mexican place where we went was super fantastic!!! After lunch we went in search of a crown for her costume. The crown that Mr. Clean purchased on Friday night was too small for her head and she promptly cracked it. The crown that we found yesterday was a ridiculous 14.99 but that's what happens when you pick it up without looking at the price and just making sure that it fits the girls big head! The funny part, we also got her a package of 99 cent plastic rings and she played with the rings for the rest of the afternoon.

Both Saturday and Sunday she didn't make it to the potty in time to do the business of number 2. She has realized that she doesn't like having this in her pants so she goes and tries to dump it in the big potty, not her little potty that she can reach. This results in a mess on the floor. It's lovely going through potty training, I know that this goes by quickly and eventually she'll get it.

I've taken to staying home when Mr. Clean takes her back to her mom. This gives me uninterrupted ME TIME and it's fabulous!!! I can get all sorts of things done.

Race Numbers

2011-10-23T17:37:00.002-04:00

Thanks for running The 4.Niner K on October 22, 2011

Below are your personal race results. You can also check them out online at www.bigfootrunning.com

76 - Your overall finish position
227 - Total finishers in 4.9 k
You finished in top 33% overall

5 - Your age group finish position
13 - Total finishers in your age group Female 30 to 34
You finished in top 38% in your age group

27:52 - Your Chip Time
28:05 - Your Gun time
9:14 - Your pace per mile

Connect with us...
www.onthemarksports.com
www.bigfootrunning.com

coming home

2011-10-22T15:06:00.000-04:00

this morning I was up bright and early for the 4.9er K. My friend NH ran it with me, Mom and Dad AND Mr. Clean and Girl Clean were there to cheer us on. I was thrilled to see Mr. Clean and the girl as I approached the finish line!!! My injury didn't flare up so I was super thankful for that.

Mr. Clean the girl and I joined my parents for breakfast afterwards. I picked up JB from my parents and brought him home. I have missed my dog. The transition back was seamless. He gave Mr. Clean and Girl Clean hello kisses. I'm beyond thankful that it was so easy to bring him back. Everything is set up and he's wonderful!!

We've cleaned, and done chores and it's been an amazing Saturday!!! So incredibly happy for a truly wonderful perfect day!!!

Fill in the Blank Friday

2011-10-21T14:05:00.000-04:00

Feeling Beachie does fill in the blank Friday and this Friday I am playing along!

This week’s statements:

1. I am afraid of____

2. My ___ is my favorite room of my house

3. The last time I _____ I couldn’t ______.

4. I got my first _____ when I was ____.

My Answers:

1. I am afraid of ok here's the deal, it's not really that I'm afraid of but I can't handle violence on TV, the other night we were watching a show and the scene was building and I totally had a moment where I had to turn away very quickly, I just can't handle violence, it's why I don't watch horror movies or excessively violent movies of any kind.
2.My kitchen is my favorite room of my house. I don't cook but I love this room, it's wonderfully cozy yet the biggest room in our house!
3.The last time I went for a swim it was Labor Day weekend at the Lake House and I had Girl Clean with me in the water, she LOVED it!!!
4. I got my first speeding ticket when I was running late for my Grandmother's Christmas Lunch in December 2005.

digging deeper

2011-10-21T10:34:00.001-04:00

I had a comment made about me that basically implied that I am only surface. I only know the encouragement and hope scriptures and just enough that I sound good quoting them.

Considering where the comment came from and the context of this accusation I take it with a grain of salt. Comments like that also cause me to stop and think and reflect. Am I surface? Am I just ambling along avoiding going any deeper then the occasional quick glance at an email devotional?

Initially this summer I pointed all fingers towards another in what was a tough situation and made it all their fault. I began to read and process, because that's how I handle things. I came to understand that I am accountable for me, for my actions, my reactions, and my perception of life. I began to pray for my own heart to change, that I would chase after being who I am being called to be. In this situation I have been amazed by the changes and transformations that I consistently see.

Perhaps if you look at me quickly or spend a little time with me I come across in a variety of ways depending on the context of where you found me. At my desk at work I have papers scattered and I'm always looking at email while working on one or 2 other things. At the restaurant I'm smiling, answering the phone, seating guests and answering questions. While running or walking outside I will usually smile and say hi. At the gym I'm there to work out and I don't make much eye contact with anyone, other then if I'm asking someone if I'm going to mess up their rotation or the front desk people who I greet with a smile and say hi and good bye. At church on the outside you would see a lady who looks like most 30 something's. I'm capable, confident, open, understanding, empathetic, focused, and I try to be genuine. I don't try to be anything I'm not, I'm human and I make mistakes.

I don't spout off scripture verses, I don't beat others over the head with my beliefs. I have a very deep and unshakable knowledge of what and why I believe that there is only 1 God, who is 3 parts, who loves us so much that He sent His Son to redeem us back to Him. If you ask me I will tell you. I share on here, so that I have my own reference to look back on.

I've put time into why I believe this. I've questioned it. I walked away from it for a season. There is much that I see that I don’t always agree with. There is much that I have experienced that causes me to understand why others think it's all fake, or a crutch, or an outdated belief system. There are many teachings that would lead people to believe that just because you state that you are a Christian you will have instant prosperity, instant power of stating something you want to happen and it will be and most importantly that nothing bad will ever happen to you again.

Instant prosperity, yet not in the way that the world knows it, this is not true in the sense that all money trouble will just melt away. WRONG. God absolutely desires to bless us, but this does not mean that I'm going to be driving the latest and greatest $100,000 car or win the lottery tomorrow. God is not our bank and He certainly does not need our money. Yet, he blesses us so that we can bless others. So if I was to win the lottery, there would be a whole lot of organizations receiving donations from me.

This whole stating it and it happening, God isn't a genie in a bottle, we can't confine God to just this rather large entity that grants wishes and desires. He is the one who was, who is and who is to come. He is the beginning and the end. He is so much bigger then we as humans can even fathom. This particular one there are several points, more then I really want to cover in this post.

The idea that nothing bad will ever happen is false. God promises He is there for us. He provides for us, loves us. He does not ever tell us that nothing bad is going to happen. We live in a fallen world, and because of this bad things happen. Yet we have hope for a future because when we put Him first, no matter what, then He takes on all our worry and hurt. It sounds so easy, yet it's not. I want to control, hold onto, and not let go of. The idea of just handing it all over in concept sounds ludicrous. Yet my mom is always telling me that worry takes away from our worship. This is true, it's hard to worry when you are worshipping and difficult to worship when you are worried.

I appreciated that comment after all. I appreciated it because it made me take a look at myself. I had to reflect on who I am and where I stand. Why I make the choices and decisions that I make.

Thankful Thursday

2011-10-20T16:01:00.001-04:00

I'm thankful that I was able to clearly effectively communicate and express information that I needed to convey this week.

I'm thankful that I have 2 jobs, that I enjoy.

I'm thankful that I have supportive friends and family.

I'm thankful that last night was a busy night at the restaurant since Monday night was eerily slow.

I'm thankful that I found the kid consignment store today at lunch and paid $12 for 3 items, which each retailed for more than $12.

I'm thankful that my Grandmother is ready to move to the 2nd floor, so that she can have the care and attention she needs for all the time.

I'm thankful my mom and Aunt are there for her and love her so much.

I'm thankful that I get to run on Saturday with my friend NH and we will have people there cheering us on!

I'm thankful that I signed up for the Turkey Trot 8K today.

I'm thankful that this week I have, for the most part, kept my hand out of the candy bucket at work.

I'm thankful that I have plenty of clothes for winter!

I'm thankful that I will be pulling out my winter shoes and putting away my summer shoes for a season.

I'm thankful that we got the CD of our wedding pictures and will be able to print them off so I can look and see that I truly was on cloud 9 that day.

I'm thankful that I've have been able to rent out my condo and I just have to pay to have the windows sealed, I don't have to do the job myself.

I'm thankful that it's a Girl Clean weekend and we will enjoy our time with her and hand her back to her mom on Sunday.

I'm thankful that Jack Banner is being spoiled at the grandparents.

Like Clockwork, Biting, Upcoming

2011-10-20T07:50:00.001-04:00

Last night was one of those ideal restaurant nights. We were busy early on, we were steadily busy. It went like clockwork. I had 2 large private parties and enough diners in the regular dining area that my server numbers were absolute perfection!!!

Nights like last night remind me why I love my part time job. The really crazy off the wall nights. The nights when I walk out thinking I'm so tired. Those nights fade quickly when I have evenings that are as fantastic as last night.

While working I also get to talk to lots of people. Our event coordinator and I were talking and she said I couldn't email this comment to you but you do understand you need to do something about Jack and the biting. I have another friend who had said something similar to me. I completely agree.

While I don't know what happened Sunday and my stance still stands, and I will not give an inch with Mr. Clean regarding my dog, this is something I need to address ASAP with my Jack Banner. I've known for a long time now that my dog bites. He's super cute but I tell people not to approach him. I muzzle him. I have no idea why he's like this. I think it's because he somehow wound up with the worst characteristics of the dachshund and chihuahua.

He can be downright scary to other people. Not going to lie. The event coordinator also made it a point to say it's not my fault. Which it's kind of not but I also have to acknowledge that I haven't socialized him the way I needed to. I've tried, I just haven't been as consistent as I needed to. My other friend who had pointed this out has also said it's not my fault. However, if I'm responsible for him then yes it pretty much is.

Both friends are huge dog people. Both have trained numerous dogs, both have spent hours volunteering with different organizations that work with dogs. I understand that I need to find someone who can work with both Mr. Clean and I on helping Jack understand that biting is not ok. I think more than anything it starts with me because Jack is mine.

Last night I forgot my change of shoes which meant I ended up in heels for 4 hours. This aggravated the injury that I thought I had completely rolled and worked out. I got home last night and re-did the rolling and stretching. It still hurts today. The Saturday race is a hilly course. I know that I can walk if I need to it is just not my preference.

Have I mentioned that I'm doing a Turkey Trot 8K? Super excited about this!!!

Substitutions

2011-10-19T15:53:00.001-04:00

Something I was thinking about recently.

I used to escape into a bottle, or 3 of wine. I removed all my alcohol from the house back in July. I still have a glass of wine, margarita, or some type of drink on occasion out with friends but that's the extent of it.

I had talked for weeks about my sugar consumption. I knew that it was not healthy. Yet I just kept going back for more.

I started thinking about how much I use food for comfort. Upset, chocolate, mad, cookie, frustrated, starburst, anxious, laughy taffy, bad morning, let me treat myself to sushi for lunch. I have had a bad day so let me have ice cream now to make up for it...

I'm not special for this thought pattern. I know this is actually something that many individuals probably experience.

I realized just recently that I have to own my feelings, and work through them. Reaching for candy, cookies, bread, whatever, in order to comfort myself leaves me feeling empty.

I crave sugar, and realized that I was allowing my emotions to run away with me thus resulting in some pretty excessive consumption of not so great for me foods.

I'm making a conscious effort to stop and think about why I feel that I "need" that 5th miniature candy bar of the day. I purchased lunch for today and tomorrow and along with those frozen healthy entrees I also purchased the skinny cow chocolate truffle ice cream bars so I could have my something sweet after lunch. Those ice cream bars, oh.my.word. they are AMAZING!!!! I know that I don't handle the whole telling myself 0 of anything, when I do this, it never works for me.

What I can do is evaluate the patterns, that I've seen before, and stop and make changes. Buying Healthy Choice lunches instead of going through the pay by weight salad bar where I never actually make healthy choices for what goes in my container. Who wants lettuce when there are marinated mushrooms available??

I have done a great job cutting out the sugar. I have shocked myself that I was so easily able to give up my alcohol consumption, this is not to say that I do not occasionally look longingly at the wine aisle. A glass of wine at a restaurant is not the same as a bottle of wine enjoyed on the couch in front of a movie. I made this choice for a reason though and it was my choice to make. Just like it's my choice to keep my hand out of the candy bucket at work and candy dish at home.

I did not go run at the gym last night. I had the best of intentions but it was raining and I just didn't feel like going out. Instead? I did a work out DVD since Mr. Clean had gone out to run errands. He came home to me doing lunges and squats. Fortunately he wasn't home in time to see me tripping over my feet in an effort to keep up with the grapevines, and crossover left, crossover right, shuffle, shuffle instructions! I don't think the workout DVD is quite as challenging as the run. I do think that it was better then staying glued to my computer for the evening which is what I really wanted to do.

Tonight I work. Tomorrow night my Jack Banner comes home. He has been spoiled. I got an email this morning that since he had to go out in the rain he got rubbed down with a heated towel when they went back inside. He's lucky to get rubbed down with a dry towel when I take him out in the rain!! I'll be glad to have him home!!!

Conversation

2011-10-18T19:37:00.000-04:00

I almost almost almost walked out tonight. The initial conversation did not go well. I had prayed all day. I knew what to expect. I knew what I would hear. I knew and like clockwork it all played out just how I knew it would.

Then when it became clear that I was serious and had 2 bags packed and was pulling out the suitcase he stopped me. We sat down. I stated that if you ever hurt my dog again we're done. I stated that he will have to make amends with Jack.

I got my point across. My message was heard. I've drawn the line, and if it's crossed I will not give another chance. Now is the time to move on and figure out how to move forward.

Life is not perfect. Mr. Clean is not perfect. I am not looking for perfect. I am looking for someone who is willing to work on it, and that is what I have.

where I stand

2011-10-18T11:14:00.000-04:00

I looked at the verse of the day on Biblegateway “Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14 NLT

Last night while at the restaurant I started writing out my thoughts regarding what happened on Sunday.

I have read books and read books and researched regarding various topics for various things that are going on. I have helped with Girl Clean in every way possible but unless she is going to hurt herself or Jack I have not disciplined her. This isn't even discipline this is simply telling her no. I simply do not feel comfortable with anything further then this. I'm married to her Dad but I'm not her Mom. There are probably lots of opinions on this. I don't care what other people think this particular position is mine, and for now it works.

That said I don't even try to claim to be an expert on anything child related, I rarely even offer any kind of opinion regarding said child. It's not that I do not care, it's that I think she has 2 very capable parents. Do I agree with all of her Dad's decisions, no not at all. However, I let it go because I'm not being asked what I think.

I have a dog, a dog that I adopted and accepted responsibility for a long time ago. I have raised my puppy and while I've not done it perfectly I have researched and done my best. I'm still learning. I still read, I still research, I still want to work with my dog on his behavior. In research I was doing today, I've done an excellent job of telling people no when they want to approach Jack. I've known for a long time now that my dog is a biter. I know how to control this. When we're out and not running a lot of times I use a muzzle. When we are at my parents and there are a lot of people, I use a muzzle. Jack hates it but it calms him down enough that once the muzzle is removed he is a much better behaved dog.

This morning I have further researched dog behavior. I found several articles regarding dogs and what causes them to bite and what to do after it has once happened. I have not addressed Sunday's incident yet. I've been calming down, gathering my thoughts, and formulating everything that must be said. I printed off the articles that I read today instead of just emailing them. My recommendation will be that during one of the 3 nights a week that I work that Mr. Clean and Jack attend a training class together. I want Mr. Clean to understand what works and what does not work when it comes to dog ownership.

I am an adult and when it comes to me I can stand up and speak and I have Mr. Clean's respect already. My dog can not stand up, can not speak and right now I have to make sure that my dog is protected. I believe that because Mr. Clean loves me he will be willing to make this effort in order to be able to better understand what he needs to do in order to co-exist with Jack again. I understand that non-dog people don't feel the same way I do about a dog. However, I could not have made it any clearer that I am a package deal and Jack is mine.

I believe very firmly that the deep feelings that Mr. Clean has for me will result in a co-operation in this manner. I believe that while this was a horrific traumatic experience that good can come of it. I believe that God is so much bigger and He is able and we can move forward from this. I have prayed and I have lots of prayers being directed up for me and I am so thankful for this. My dog is mine, and I will not tolerate animal mistreatment, end of story.

3 steps forward, 2 steps back. Better than 2 forward 3 back.

2011-10-17T08:27:00.001-04:00

Friday night, great night at the restaurant. On my way home I received a phone call from Mama Clean that Sister Clean was on the way to the emergency room with symptoms of a heart attack.

Saturday morning up early for a 3 mile walk with Jack then I picked Girl Clean up from her mamas. We drove down to the dealership for an oil change. I found out I need to replace my struts. Leaving I noticed a scraping sound, thought that's odd, but maybe it's part of this strut thing.

Visit with my mom went well. Girl Clean's eyes grew huge when we pulled out the Barbie clothes and shoes for her to play with. We went to visit with my Grandmommy for a bit. She's moving to the 2nd floor from her current apartment so that she will have constant care available. She's been having spells and it's scary for her and us.

I checked in with Mama Clean on my way home and found out that it wasn't a heart attack, still very serious but Sister Clean is recovering.

Church that evening was a blur. I looked underneath my car when we got there only to see something hanging down from underneath that had not been re-attached. Mr. Clean was able to find some pipe cleaners and re-attach until I can get back to the dealership today.

Sunday morning I got Girl Clean ready, she looked super adorable in her little outfit for church, her mom was delighted when she saw her. I was thrilled with how the outfit came together and that I was able to have her ready on time. I was getting ready to meet my college roomie for lunch at my favorite Cabo Fish Taco.

I met college roomie and we had an awesome lunch and I thoroughly enjoyed our catching up time, and then when I texted to say I was on my way home the response back was no matter what do not let Jack out of his crate until I talk to you.

I had left Jack out of his crate since Mr. Clean was home and went on to lunch. Mr. Clean went to take a shower and Jack left a puddle in the middle of the floor. Mr. Clean rubbed his nose in it and Jack chewed up his hands because of it. I was doing my best to hold it together as I called my uncle (also Jack's vet) to relay the story. As we talked my Uncle said that this wasn't an unprovoked attack, Jack felt backed into a corner and he fought back. My dog is not going to let anyone or anything corner him without fighting. I have never rubbed JB's nose in puddles because everything I've ever read on dog training says that it is a pointless method and does not teach the dog anything. So having his nose pushed in the puddle along with the probable yelling that was taking place resulted in my dog fighting back.

I got home and after Mr. Clean headed out again I called my mom and asked if Jack could come stay a few days. I packed up his bag and crate and drove to my parents. When I called to check on him later that afternoon my Mom said that he was definitely traumatized but he was ok and they were just loving on him and giving him attention.

I wasn't there I don't know what happened. It's hard because Jack can't talk so I can't get his side of the story. I also know that Jack is a dog, I get this I promise. The very first question I had to ask my uncle was if, because my dog had attacked a human, it meant he had to be put down. I was devastated having to even ask this question and this is what I think sent me into the sobbing that resulted for the next few hours.

There had been a truce established between Mr. Clean and Jack. Jack had been given a chair, even when Mr. Clean was so sick he still took him out to walk. I had been talking at lunch about how well things were going. It never ever fails, if I talk about how great things are something happens. I never want to fail to give God the glory when good things happen but the flip side is that I know as soon as I say something good is happening something awful results.

I obviously dated a lot in the almost 3 years that I have been Jack's mom. I broke up with Mr. Clean because I said you are never going to accept my dog and he swore up and down that I just needed to give him a chance. None of the other guys that I dated ever had any issues with my puppy, they knew that he was my Jack, end of story. So now I'm left exhausted and tired and worried and I'm trying to remember how even if my faith is only the size of a mustard seed it can still move mountains.

The rest of the afternoon was fine, Mr. Clean made sure he cleaned his hands with soap and water and used antibiotic ointment for his hands. We played Frisbee golf and he fixed soup for dinner. I knew that Jack was receiving lots of TLC at my parent's house, and that helped. I just couldn't help but feel heartsick every time I looked at his water dish in the kitchen.

Thursday Night

2011-10-14T08:50:00.000-04:00

Yesterday afternoon I left work with plans to go on a stroll with Mr. Clean and Jack. Mr. Clean doesn't believe in excercise, so I had to phrase it "stroll" in order to get him to go. There is a race this weekend, which means that if I go my usual route I have to go directly through race city and race traffic. I thought to myself while driving on 485 that I should probably take the 49 exit. The next thought was, no it's early I will be fine. Except what I didn't know, there was a wreck that had just shut down traffic flow. So I re-routed and ended up taking the alternate, having to back track to get there.

We still made it out for our stroll and I made it home to make a quick clothing change and head back out again. We had a women's night at church last night. Worship followed by this speaker. Driving to church I was nervous, I don't really know anyone at the church we go to. I was going by myself and that is always initially a little scary. I arrived and purchased the latest book, I was hoping there would be a copy there. Then I stood and waited for the door to open. As I was standing I'm looking at 2 ladies across from me trying to figure out if it was who I thought it was. Turns out it was. I never forget that I live in a place that is a very small world. I caught up with one of my high school teachers and then it was time to go in.

As I was sitting I was thinking how amazing God is that he put people there right at the door who knew me and took away my aprehension. Then the worship started and the message and it was so good. As everything was drawing to a close it was getting later and later. I tried to stay focused on the message and in my head I'm thinking ok if I can just be home before 10 I'll be ok. I have to wake up super early so being out during a weeknight unless I'm working is not something I'm often willing to do.

Before the evening ever began, yesterday morning in fact, I prayed that God would meet me there. I prayed that He would show me what He wanted me to see. This week I've been researching and learning and processing. I'm on a journey and it's not a hurry up and get there type trek, it's more of a very slow, 3 steps forward 2 steps back type march. Traditionally any time I go to something like this I have thrown up huge walls and put my gaurd up in order to avoid really having to feel anything. I listen, I'm impacted, but I keep everything at arms length.

I almost made it out too. The ending prayer, the acknowledgement that the time was late. I slip out of my seat and out the door. I go to my car... There is a car parked behind mine. I knew that before I left I was being called to go ask for prayer. It's easy for me to ask for prayer from the distance of not being face to face. I don't actually like having to ask for someone to pray with me in person, why, because it leaves me open to actually having to let God do whatever it is that He is looking to do. Yet last night God had me completely hemmed in. I called Mr. Clean to let him know that there was a car behind mine and I wasn't sure when I would be able to leave. Then I went back in and went to the bathroom then I walked back out to my car, the car was still behind me.

I sat in my car and I knew why there was a car parked behind mine. I knew that I was supposed to go back inside yet again and go ask for prayer. I knew that this was no accident and that I could just sit and wait it out or I could obey the very clear message that I was hearing to go inside and pray. I think perhaps it was less about the prayer and more about the obedience. I've spent my whole life running away from what is not comfortable. I don't like having to deal with me, so I move things around, and stay on the go and I like to ignore direction when I know that it's not going to be easy.

I went back inside, and asked for prayer. We prayed, and talked. There are things that I can not control, can not change, and can not cure. When I look at the now, it doesn't make sense sometimes. I know that God is faithful. I know that He is always good. I know that He is in control. I know that the Master Weaver has a pattern and purpose and I know that His love works my pattern together, growing me stronger and more capable and more able to do great things for Him.

Personality

2011-10-13T16:13:00.000-04:00

Jennifer did this quiz this morning and shared the results. I love stuff like this so I did my own quiz. I took it twice to make sure that I answered as honestly as possible

Friendly

You would rather hang out with others than spend time alone, and you'd far rather be doing something with your friends than just sitting around. You're happy in a crowded room, club, stadium, or auditorium.
(I have to say this is part right, but I do value my alone time!!!)

You're not a private person who is ill at ease in a group; you don't view excessive socializing as a waste of time.

Upbeat
You enjoy being around others and others enjoy being around you. You have a "live and let live" attitude; because you know that no one's perfect, you are forgiving and happy to give the benefit of the doubt.

You don't feel the need to be controversial or express contrary opinions all the time. You see no reason to go around rubbing people the wrong way.

Warm
You have a genuine interest in other people. You're a natural host, and are always thinking about how you can increase the happiness of those around you. When friends have problems or are in trouble, you're usually the first person they turn to for aid and comfort. Scoring high on the "warm" trait suggests that you are among those who enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.

You don't always say exactly what you're thinking; you don't like the idea of causing anyone pain because of your criticism.
(I am of the opinion that not everything I think must be expressed)

Understanding
You are willing to take the time to find out what's going on with other people, especially if they're in distress. You're a good listener, you don't criticize, and you offer unbiased, respectful, honest advice when it's requested. With a high score on the "understanding" trait, it is likely that you are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.

You don't feel the need to impose your standards on others or say things that, even though true, cause pain.

Scrupulous
You are an honest, fair person. You don't lie or cheat to get ahead. You treat others with respect and hope for the same in return.

You do not feel that you are above the rules that everyone else follows; you are definitely not willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.

Empathetic
You are in touch with your own feelings, which helps put you in touch with the feelings of others.

You don't buy the logic that your happiness comes ahead of everyone else's because unless you're happy you're incapable of making anyone else happy.

Conscientious
You feel it's important to work according to a plan and finish every task, to do things correctly and thoroughly.

You are not the kind of person who abandons a project before finishing it, or slacks off when you've lost interest.
(however I am a huge procrastinator when I don't want to do something or think something is really complicated)

Intellectual
You are thoughtful, rational, and comfortable in the world of ideas. People find you interesting to talk to. You're the living embodiment of the saying "You learn something new every day." In general, those with a high score on the "intellectual" trait are employed in such fields as teaching and research, and are enthusiastic about reading, foreign films, and classical music.
(I love to read and I don't mind classical music)

You do not avoid abstract conversation, experimenting with new ideas, or studying new things. It bores you to stick to the straight and narrow of what you already know.
(actually I'm ok sticking to the straight and narrow most of the time)

Poised
You tend to feel at home wherever you find yourself, even in unfamiliar settings, with new people. It takes a lot to rattle you, and when rattled you recover quickly and gracefully.

You are usually not self-conscious or nervous when you're in an unfamiliar environment or with people you don't know.
(I've had to work on this though, it does not come naturally to me)
Cooperative
You enjoy teamwork, play well with others, and prefer getting along to winning.

You're not compelled to win every contest nor to be right all the time.
(This is so true, competition is not something I really care about which is why I'm terrible at sales)

Thankful Thursday

2011-10-13T15:21:00.000-04:00

I'm thankful I was able to go to the zoo Monday with Dr. MG, we had such an awesome time.

I'm thankful Dr. MG celebrated 2 years with her guy yesterday, YAY!!!! They went here for dinner, OH MY WORD the yumminess that she described for me!!!!

I'm thankful for google, because I remember life before it and I like being able to look up anything anytime and having instant gratification that the answers are right there!!!

I'm thankful for a busy night at the restaurant, after the initial slow start.

I'm thankful for a husband who can cook, it's just awesome!!!

I'm thankful for the rain we had this week and just as thankful that the sun has appeared again this afternoon.

I'm thankful for the cooler temperatures, it's so beautiful outside!!!

I'm thankful for my friend NH and that she's running the Turkey Trot 8K with me on Thanksgiving, WHOOOHOO!!!!

I'm thankful that my muscle issues seem to have eased and I'm going to be able to run again!!!

I'm thankful for my church and the event tonight that I'm really looking forward to!!!

I'm thankful for opportunities to get away for an upcoming weekend and take a beautiful drive to get there!!!

I'm thankful that I've been able to practice self control and my hand has stayed out of the candy bucket at work and candy dish at home.

I'm thankful that this week at work we get to wear jeans!!!

I'm thankful that I'm finally getting my oil changed this Saturday!!! I'm only a little past due, I try to keep up with it!!

I'm thankful that I get to have brunch with my college roomie and catch up with her on Sunday!!!

I'm thankful that I have so much to be thankful about!!!

Happy Thursday!!!

ouch

2011-10-12T08:36:00.000-04:00

Yesterday at work was a typical day back after being away. I had emails to catch up on but it was not overly crazy.

The original plan had been to play disc golf followed by me going to the gym. It rained all day long yesterday. Disc golf was out. I got home and Mr. Clean was making soup for dinner.

When I started my run Saturday morning I noticed that I was tight on my left side in the lower back. I kept running and it worked itself out. However, when I tried to run Sunday shooting pain, which meant Jack and I walked instead of the run I planned. I'm not sure what it is. I started using my foam roller and other stretches on Sunday trying to work out whatever it is that I have done.

I took Jack for another walk Monday and walked around the zoo all day. I think this helped to stretch the muscles. I again made sure to use my roller and I have some racquet balls that I apply to the knots that the foam roller is not able to touch. Based on my description of the pain and a past similar pain I think this is my Piriformis acting up. I looked at google images and I'm 97% positive this is what's going on. It's my fault I don't stretch the way I'm supposed to. I know I need to work on this.

Last night I went to the gym and ran a mile, it was painful to start but I ran through it, towards the end I picked up the pace and I was OK. It was not fun but I think it was necessary. I went and did strength training for my arms and then 2 more miles this time on the elliptical machine. I felt twinges on the elliptical but I felt like I was helping rather then hurting. I made sure that when I got home I once again did the stretches and rolls that I needed to do.

It hurts. I have a race in less then 2 weeks and I know that it's a hilly course. I don't mind walking portions of it. I just hope that my gut instinct is correct and as long as I keep doing what I'm doing I will be able to work out this strain on my own. If not I have the best chiropractor in the world, I just have to figure out when I can get there...

she can do anything

2011-10-12T08:14:00.000-04:00

I've recently talked about how Barbie has been introduced into my life again. Girl Clean loves her "babies" (Barbies). I know that this doll has caught flack over the years for presenting an "unrealistic body type" for girls.

I'm certainly no stranger to self criticism when it comes to my own body. Yet I never have nor will I attribute this to a doll that I played with growing up. I say that because as I've thought about it I actually have come to realize that this doll is able to be or do anything.

I have friends right now going through tough situations at work. I drew a parallel to the doll and said remember how when we were little and we played with our doll how she could do anything? I remember playing office, hospital, restaurant, house, TV, library, and the list goes on. This still applies today, put your game face on, put your best foot forward and go out and show that you are confident, capable and unstoppable.

They've adjusted the doll to try and make her more realistic. I never really thought about it when I was growing up. I had several dolls and I dressed them up and created outfits and did their hair. My God sister had a basement full of dolls, clothes, and a long list of the extras, the TV studio, the pool, etc. I loved going to Pittsburgh to visit I could get lost downstairs for hours. She had more clothes and dolls then I did so for me it was always fun to have that opportunity to play.

When I dated CF&G his ex was adamantly opposed to the doll. She wanted her girl to not be in any way shape or form girly. She was terrified her child would be a cheerleader, although why that was so terrifying I'm still not sure. I know that now she's not allowed to play with dolls, at all. Or at least this was the case a year or 2 ago. It thrills me to no end that we allow Girl Clean to be who she wants to be. If she wants to play in the dirt, I cringe but her Dad is fine with it. If she wants to play kitchen, we encourage it. My favorite though, is when I hand her the container that has her babies and she sits for an hour dressing and undressing her doll, totally lost and entranced in the world she creates in her imagination.

Perhaps because it was never pointed out to me, I never thought about the shape of my doll. I always just loved the clothes and shoes and hair. It's no surprise that today I still love clothes and shoes and hair. I also appreciate the fact that as Girl Clean grows up her Barbie will be able to do anything, giving her ideas that she too can accomplish amazing things!

Pictures from the Zoo

2011-10-11T11:13:00.001-04:00

Yesterday the temperature was perfect and we actually were able to see a lot of the animals!

The Otters were just too much fun to watch!!!

I was able to capture both of them before they dived back in the water

Can you see him??

Gorilla

He decided to move around a little

The Giraffes are so amazing!!! Their coats each uniquely different and so gorgeous!!!

Watching them glide across the land is really something!

The Zebra

The Lion was taking a nap on the rock

The baby monkey playing

The baby monkey has been accepted by the other monkeys although the zoo person said that initially there was some Jealousy

The baby monkey, just too cute!!! We stayed the longest just watching her.

Catching up

2011-10-11T08:23:00.000-04:00

Friday night I worked, and it was busy between 7-8 then done.

Saturday morning I was up early. I had the Lung Strong 5K, which should have been a 15K, next year. My time was not so great, but it was a run and done. I picked up Girl Clean after the run and we made our way back to the house. We went to a fall festival at Mr. Clean's parent's church for a few hours then the Girl crashed, she was so tired!!! I also fell asleep, on the floor, with Jack sleeping on my chest. Church Saturday night was wonderful!

Sunday I woke up and took Jack for a walk. It was a gorgeous fall morning! Then we got ready and before heading over to the Clean Parent's we took Girl Clean to pick out her Barbie outfit. We told her Saturday if she let us know every time she needed to go potty then she could pick out a new outfit for her "baby" (barbie). I reiterated this several times over the day to make sure she didn't forget and she did awesome! So she got to pick out the outfit and then we went and celebrated Sister Clean's birthday.

Sunday night I watched Jerry McGuire for the first time. I can't believe that I've never seen it before! It's just one of those movies that got by me. I really enjoyed it!

Monday I texted Dr. MG and asked for a plan B. The original plan was a hiking trip to Boone but it turns out that neither of us wanted to make that drive. She suggested the zoo since it's in the middle for both of us. This is just part of why I love my friend so much. We had an absolute blast. We walked around and saw the animals and people watched, the zoo is an amazing place for people watching!!! The giraffes were amazing, they are just so incredible to me!!! They had a baby monkey and we watched her for the longest time. I am so glad that Dr. MG suggested it and we've agreed that we'll have to make this trip a regular thing!!

Show Us Your Life - Pets

2011-10-07T12:51:00.001-04:00

Kelly's Korner today is all about pets. Y'all know I LOVE to talk about Jack Banner. I'm so glad that I made the decision to stop by Pet Smart that February 13, 2009 day. I have never once regretted bringing my puppy home.

Baby Jack

Jack's Dog

Checking things out

Sleeping

When I was trying to figure out which puppy to bring home I asked which one was the sleeper and the eater, they told me Jack, I said then he's my puppy

Why is there always a camera in my face???

Writing thank you notes is SOOOO not my thing rub my belly!!!

I'm cute, rub my belly!!!!!

What? Where? SQUIRREL........

I can't believe you just made me take a bath, oh the indignity of it

Another one?

It was clearly time for bed

Like I said I asked which one was the sleeper and the eater

Reminding me to take time to smell the grass

Taking time out from a walk, he's my walking and running buddy!!!

Clearly I have not forgotten to take pictures of Jack Banner!

always

2011-10-07T11:15:00.000-04:00

I am aware that there is always need. I am also aware the I can't give to everything all the time. I know this.

I just attended a presentation at work about employee giving. My company matches donations to charity which is very cool.

I've heard a lot about giving this summer. Actually I always have but this summer I acted on it.

The needs in my own community are important too.

The story shared by the representative who had her own story to tell, well I was fighting the tears, because really who wants black streaks running down their cheeks during a company meeting.

I'll be giving. I can figure out a way, it won't be much, at all, but it gets matched. According to what I just heard even a dollar makes a difference.

There will always be need, always be someone who needs a helping hand. Someday I might be that person and I would hope that at that time someone who heard a story was inspired to give too.